Monday, March 31, 2008

Baby dahl

We tried the baby dahl by Happy Baby that I mentioned seeing earlier at Whole Foods. When I saw it the first time, K asked why I didn't pick it up. My response was of course, Because we don't have a baby. But K wanted to try it, so the next time I went, I picked it up. It was a 6-pack for $4.59, which I thought was really affordable. The baby food is frozen in these tiny little portions that seemed way too small. The package contained dahl and grains, so we figured they were supposed to be eaten together. The dahl wasn't bad. It actually tasted a lot like curried pumpkin. The spice was minor but definitely not bland. The grains were bland, but they were grains, so it was to be expected. Definitely something our baby will be eating.

Now what to do with the rest of it since it came in a six-pack? It was decent enough but not something we'd like to eat in general. My sister is coming this weekend with her 14-month old, but I bet she won't let her child eat it. My sister is scared of different. But maybe she'll surprise me.


Freecycle is great. We get so many things (free, of course!) brand new or practically new. People don't want their stuff and they are too lazy to go to a thrift store to get rid of it, so they post it online for anyone who wants it - free! And we are some of the people who want it. And since they post by neighborhood, you never have to go very far to get the stuff. We don't post very much stuff, we mostly take our stuff to Wagging Tails Thrifts and Gifts so that our stuff can be reused (good for the environment) and help some need dogs & cats in Montgomery County and we get a tax break. Everybody wins. But I am thankful to the lazy souls who post their items on freecycle. We've gotten, all brand new, Walter the Farting dog books, a car bottle warmer, balderdash, Christmas baskets and mugs - all of which we have given away as gifts. For us, we've gotten large, expensive picture frames, purses, Real Simple magazines, moving boxes, and many more items. For free, of course.

But I don't think we've even begun to enjoy freecycle. The things people most seem to be getting rid of are baby things. They grow so quickly, their needs change so quickly, people have things they barely use that no longer work for the baby. Just today I've seen multiple postings for baby clothes. I want to grab them up, but then I remind myself that tomorrow more things will be posted for babies. Every day people get rid of baby things, and when it's time, I will be there to grab them up.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Doctor's Visit - Check

I went to my required physical today. It was kind of an odd experience. My appointment was with the nurse practitioner because I could get an appointment with her sooner than the doctor. She was a small Asian lady with an accent. She sat down and started reviewing my lab work. "Wow... you got all of these done... HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea..." Then she looked at me quizzically. Aren't doctors supposed to make you feel okay about getting STD tests done so that you'll do it more frequently? I explained to her that I was trying to get pregnant using donor insemination and these tests were required. "Oh, interesting... So do you have problems or does your husband have low sperm count?" My response, "I don't have a husband, I have a female partner." "Oh, very interesting..."

So then she said, "What else do you need?" Crazy lady! I need my physical. Give me my pap smear! I ask her to look through my papers to see the fax I sent with the details of what was needed for the fertility clinic. She asks when my last pap was - January 2007. Was it normal? Yes. Then why do it again? Because I need it! Because they won't let me buy sperm without it, and if I can't buy sperm, I can't have a baby, and I can't be a mommy! Just do the pap! I explain all of this calmly.

So we commence with the pap. She leaves the room, I take off my clothes and drape the little paper thing over me, then she comes back and asks me to stand up and walk placing one foot directly in front of the other. Couldn't we have done this when I was fully clothed? Then it's back on the table and spread your legs. The pap hurts like hell and I ask her to use a smaller speculum. She says women who are not sexually active tend to have pain during a pap. I start to protest, but she says "Not that this is your problem..." Then she informs me that she doesn't see any genital herpes, as if this is surprising. Umm, I wasn't expecting that you would...

We finally finish and next week I will have the results to send to the fertility clinic. One more step accomplished.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I'm praying for you!

My coworker friend L stopped by this morning. He walked by and said hi, and passed on by, then stopped and came back to my office. He said this morning as he was lying in bed, halfway between sleep and awake, he started thinking about K and I and what we have to go through to have babies. And he said a little prayer that it goes quickly, not only because we want it, but because it's so expensive. And he said he wasn't going to tell me because he feels like a tool saying "Hey I'm praying for you" but then he decided that he wanted us to know that he rooting for us. So thanks L. I'm rooting for you, too.

Friday, March 21, 2008

What we have already

For people who don't have kids, we have a surprising amount of kid-friendly stuff. When A was visiting and we surprised her with babysitting, we were sorting through our DVDs to pull out the kid-friendly ones, and she said 'Wow, you actually have a lot. And then you have a lot of stuff that's REALLY inappropriate. No middle ground.' It's totally true. Amongst Kanye West and Liz Phair CDs and the movies Trainspotting and Fight Club, we have the following:

No! by They Might Be Giants

Here Come the ABCs by They Might Be Giants
Scooby Doo
Star Wars - All 6 movies
Star Wars: Clone Wars Vol 1
Bananas in Pajamas (I bought this for K as a gift in college)
Yellow Submarine by The Beatles
The Peanuts Holiday Collection (I bought this for K last Halloween)
The Original Christmas Classics (Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess

What Do you do with a potty? by by Marianne Borgardt (I bought this for K in college - it's hilarious)
One Grain of Rice: A Mathematical Folktale by Demi (A got this for me for Christmas)
The Lorax by Dr. Suess (I got this from my mom the year Dr. Suess died)
Bed, Bed, Bed by They Might Be Giants (We bought this at an in-store acoustic set They played at Olsson's in Arlington. We didn't stick around to get it signed though)
Some Beatrix Potter books (K's mom picked these up for us in England a couple of years ago - She thought they were vintage but they are from 1999)
The Bunnicula Series by James Howe (I got these for K in grad school)
My Teacher is an Alien by Bruce Coville (I got this for K in grad school)
And Tango Makes Three by Peter Parnelland Justin Richardson (A got this for me for Christmas)

Lots of Star Wars action figures, posters, banks, etc. (K's, mostly from high school and college)
Carousel horses (Mine, mostly from middle and high school)
Ceramic dolls (Mine, handmade for me when I was a kid by my mom and aunt)
A wall hanging extolling kindness as a virtue (K's from when she was a kid)

Sesame Street Christmas coloring book (I bought this for K in college)
Star Wars Episode 1 coloring book (I bought this for K in college when she had her wisdom teeth removed)

Hip songs for babies

We made A & C a CD of kids music that we call Hip Songs for Babies (Not everything can be Baa Baa Black Sheep). This CD, NO! by They Might Be Giants, the CD attached to the book Bed, Bed, Bed by They Might Be Giants, and the CDs that go with Here Come the ABC's and Here Come the 123s by They Might Be Giants might be the only CDs we let our kids listen to. Children's music can get really annoying fast. Here's a track listing of the CD we made:

Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses

A boy! by The Who

Celebration by Kanye West

To Zion by Lauryn Hill

This Old Man by Tori Amos

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles

No! by They Might Be Giants

Whip-smart by Liz Phair

You're Not the Boss of Me by They Might Be Giants

Parents Just Don't Understand by DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

Bed, Bed, Bed by They Might Be Giants

Golden Slumbers by Ben Folds

When you dream by The Barenaked Ladies

Song for Sleeping by Stone Temple Pilots

Lullabye by Ben Folds Five

Little Star by Madonna

Things I want

A & C received some things at their baby shower that I want.

1. Personalized onesies - they received these from three different people. C's sister-in-law drew with fabric markers things like "I love my two mommies". Their best friend made some iron-on transfers that said things like 'Little yogi' and 'Sapling hugger'. K used some iron-on letters to say things like 'NO!' and 'QT'.

2. Handmade blankets. There was one crocheted baby-sized blanket from a college friend of C's and another larger knitted blanket from a friend's mom. I also know that they have quilts made by A's mom and even quilts C made for her dolls when she was a child.

3. A high chair that hooks onto your regular dining chair by Fischer Price. Space-saving and easy to travel with. Perfect for them and perfect for us.

4. Best Best Colors/Los Mejores Colores by by Eric Hoffman - a children's book with two moms - the moms are biracial and the book is in English and Spanish. And the book is about a little boy trying to decide his favorite color, and NOT about hey, look, kid, your family is different.

5. A ready-made scrapbook for the baby's first year. We love to scrapbook, but I feel that we may just be a little too busy to do this one. A friend of theirs put together a scrapbook that is only missing the pictures.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Indian food

Our family is half Indian, and our child will-be half Indian, so we think it's important to include some Indian culture in our lives. K doesn't cook but wants our kids to grow up with at least some of the food she grew up with, so I've been trying to learn. I've taken two classes and have had mini-lessons from K's mom, grandma, and two aunties. Our dog walker has offered to come over for a lesson as well. I'm not bad, people say they like my food, though I do have trouble with the breads. Tonight we are having a neighbor over for Spinach, Eggplant Bharta, and Potato Suki-Bhaji.

One thing I don't have a good recipe for is dahl. K doesn't really like dahl. But she thinks it's important because it's what you give to babies. You need to start babies out with spicy food so they can handle it later - Indian people do not feed their babies bland food. So I was at Whole Foods last night and noticed in the freezer section a line of frozen baby food that includes dahl! Check one more thing off the list - I don't need to learn to make dahl. I do still need to learn roti.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

We picked our sperm donor

We've decided on our sperm donor. We didn't have much choice actually. As I said earlier, there was only one Indian with Rh negative blood type. However, he confused us a little. He listed his ethnicity as Indian and skin tone as medium, but race as caucasian. We have lot of choices of caucasians if that's what we're going with. We wanted an Indian. So we paid the $30 to get his baby picture emailed to us (this seriously costs $30?) and we confirmed that he is indeed a cute little brown Indian boy. He has the cutest baby picture! I keep thinking that could be what our baby looks like. So once we get the blood work back, we can order this sperm. I feel like we should buy it all since he is our only choice, but that's irrational. At least I still know when I'm being irrational.

In other news, K got a new job with a big raise. It's a job that she finds a lot more interesting than her current job, but the commute is longer. A bonus is that she doesn't have to leave me to go on her work trip to Las Vegas in April anymore. Great timing!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'm ovulating!

According to my test stick, I'm ovulating. I got those two pink lines yesterday. Also, I had some clear mucus. Two signs line up but one sign (my temperature) doesn't. So... I'm ordering a new thermometer today.

Peeing in a cup

I went to the lab to get my blood work done today for my upcoming physical. I didn't know I would have to pee in a cup. I got up early in the morning (6am), peed, got ready for work and left home at 6:40 - no eating, no drinking. I got there and they said 'here, go pee in this cup'. Umm, okay, I'll try... I forced out a trickle. The nurse laughed a little and told me to try again. She said she couldn't draw blood until I peed - it's the rules! So I went in the waiting room and forced down lots of water. As much as I could without being sick. And then when I felt it building up, I tried again, and only did a little better. I think I filled the cup with about 1-2 cm of pee. I felt like I was going to throw up from all of the water, but that's all I could squeeze out. The nurse said 'I still don't think this is enough, but we'll give it a try' and then lucky me, it was just enough to fill the two vials. Then she quickly drew my blood and I drove less than 5 minutes to work, and as I'm riding up in the elevator, I thought 'Wow, I really have to pee'. I went into the bathroom and had a nice, respectable pee. And I've peed about 4 times in the two hours since then.

I've always been this way. I get peeing stage fright. I remember once in high school the nurse knocked on the door and asked if I was okay because I had been in the bathroom so long. When K and I were first together, the first time she came into the bathroom with me, I stopped peeing. I was like, 'what are you doing? I can't pee with you in here!' She wouldn't leave and eventually I got used to her being there.

I was surprised at how much blood they took today - like 6-7 vials full. That's like giving blood but they don't give you a cookie and drink afterwards. A friend at work asked if I was feeling okay and said I look tired. At least it's over. Hopefully the tests are conclusive and we can order some sperm!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Ovulation prediction

Saturday I started testing out the Ovulation Prediction Kits. The instruction say to use them at the same time every day, sometime between 10am and 8pm after holding your pee for four hours and not drinking much. I chose 6pm so that I wouldn't have to do it at work. Saturday I was planning on doing this, held my pee, got distracted, peed, and then remembered and forced out a trickle at 7:30. Oops. Yesterday, I peed right at 2pm, then we took a nap and I woke up at 3:30 really having to go. But I held it until 5:30 and it came out as a burst. Who knew this would be so hard?

So far I'm not ovulating, though I think I had fertile mucus this morning. My signs don't seem to line up, which worries me. But I'm trying not to worry because what good does that do?

Sleeping with the baby

We have two bedrooms - ours and what is currently being used as the TV room. The TV room will be converted into a nursury one day. It has a very old futon which is our guest bed. My preference is to get rid of it when the baby comes. K's preference is to keep it. Her reason has always been 'Where will our guests sleep?' But this weekend the real reason came out. K said 'We should sleep in here after the baby is born.' And I said 'Most people just put the baby in their bedroom with them.' And K said 'But wouldn't it be so sweet for the two of us, the baby, and our dog, to all sleep in the baby's room for a little while?' And she looked so sweet when she said it. How can I say no? So I guess we keep the futon.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Some good Indian sperm

Indian sperm is hard to come by. I did a search yesterday from sperm banks across the county. I found 7 sperm banks with at least one Indian sperm donor, but only one donor from all of these had Rh negative blood type like me. He had better be a fertile fellow!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Psychoanalysts' Organization Backs Same-Sex Marriage

Baby shower advocacy

We are hosting a baby shower for A&C this Saturday and we wanted to include a little advocacy at the shower. A baby shower might not seem like the right place for advocacy, but when you live without rights like we do, you do advocacy whenever you can. Of course there will be cake and punch and games and everything that you would expect from a baby shower, but we thought we could put five minutes aside to send a letter to our legislators asking them to support marriage for A&C and all of the other families with children in MD that can't get married. We typed up a form letter and we're asking everyone at the party to sign five copies. Then after the party K & I will address them to the governor and the appropriate delegates and senator, stick in a picture from the party, and mail it away. Here's a copy of the letter:


I attended a baby shower today for my dear friends – A and C – who live in Greenbelt. They've known each other since they were young children, and after getting married in 2006, they are ready for the next step. I am so excited for them; they will be such wonderful parents! The shower was a lot of fun. I've included a picture from the party.

I am so excited for them, but I am bothered by the fact that they cannot get married and protect their family. It's one thing to be treated as a second-class citizen when you are a young couple with few worries, but it's another thing completely when your family expands.

A and C both grew up in Prince Georges County and they both have family there. They bought a home a few years ago in historic downtown Greenbelt, just down the street from C's parents, in a neighborhood C grew up in. They chose to live in downtown Greenbelt because of the community, thinking it would be a great place to raise their children, especially because the grandparents live so close and can play a big role in the children's lives.

They could move somewhere where same-sex marriage or civil unions are legal. In the past year, two couples they know have moved from PG County to Vermont for this reason. But by moving they would be leaving their family, friends, and community behind. It's sad that they have had to make a choice between providing protections for their family and living near their extended family. It shouldn't be a choice that a family has to make.

Please help bring peace of mind to my friends A, C, and the soon-to-be baby, and the other families in Maryland, by supporting the Marriage Protection and Religious Freedom Act.


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sesame Street

K & I love Sesame Street. I love Bert & Ernie and K loves Cookie Monster. I also love Grover, especially Super Grover, and Oscar of course. We used to watch it when we were in college and grad school, and if I'm home sick, I'll still watch it, but it's just not the same as when we were kids. For one thing, I can't stand Elmo, and he gets 20 minutes just to himself. And everything is so manufactured - this segment and then that segment - the same every day. What happened to the community feel - you had all of these people in a neighborhood talking to each other.

What I miss the most is the Bert & Ernie segments. Rarely do you see them together anymore, and when I was in grad school there was this horrible segment every day called Journey to Ernie which was just Big Bird and Ernie. Ernie is nothing without Bert - they need each other.

In college A, K, and I used to volunteer at the local Head Start program. A and I would go in really early in the morning and read to the kids and sometimes I would go in the afternoon with K. Sometimes we would buy books at the dollar store and bring them to share. K & I would always buy Sesame Street books. Before giving them to the kids, I would usually read K to sleep with them (this was back when we were still 'just friends'... yeah, right!). We always said she was Bert and I was Ernie because she was always trying to take a nap and I was always waking her up - Hey, Bert!

Last weekend we spend a long time on YouTube looking up Sesame Street segments. It started out innocent enough - she was showing me music videos for the band Oppenheimer. Then we saw that there was a Bert & Ernie segment that used They Might Be Giants music (Ernie cleans to the Famous Polka - it's great!). Then we just watched more and more. Lots of classic Bert & Ernie, Cookie Monster on NPR, Cookie Monster on Martha Stewart, Cookie Monster and the Count. It was so much fun. By watching this, we realized something. We have now switched rolls - K is now Ernie and I'm Bert. When did that happen? Sometime in the past 7 years we switched rolls?

We can't wait to watch Sesame Street with our kids. They've released to box sets called Sesame Street Old School, so the kids can see what Sesame Street was for us, and fall in love with it the way that we did. K says that will be the first thing we register for.

Another anniversary

Today is our third wedding anniversary. We chose our wedding date close to our other anniversary so that we could bundle the celebrations together. Last weekend we went to the PA wilds to see the wild elk herd, about a four hour drive from home. We saw 7 elk and one bald eagle. The elk were just in neighborhoods, in people's yards. It was pretty cool. We probably could have seen more but it was snowing/raining and we were afraid to get stuck on some backroad. We'll just have to go back sometime with the kids in tow.

We stayed in a bed & breakfast on the edge of a small town. The B&B was surrounded by woods and covered in snow. We had our own fire place and breakfast was brought to our room. Very cozy, very romantic, and only $85. Don't you just love rural America?

Tonight we are celebrating by eating at the restaurant where we were married. It is a quaint, old historic restaurant, again cozy and romantic. It is a tradition we love - being able to go back to the place we were married every year on our anniversary.

B&B: The Inn at Narrows Creek
Restaurant: Mrs. K's Tollhouse

Friday, March 7, 2008

A liberal Mormon

My coworker M is Mormon, but he blows away all of my Mormon stereotypes. Of course, he's got four kids, and he and his wife are white, so not all of my stereotypes, but a lot of them. We like the same movies and music and are constantly sharing CDs and DVDs. The other day he came by and asked when we are going to start having kids. Mormons are supposed to be anti-gay, but he treats me and my family like equals.

Family (Not mine this time)

Our friend P came over Saturday night. I cooked him dinner because he was depressed about family issues and thought I could understand. He has a southern family just like mine and we've commiserated in the past. He's a single gay man and decided recently that he's never talking to his family again. He's been putting up with them for 13 years since he came out and he's not going to put up with them anymore.

I told him about how I didn't talk to my family for 1.5 years after I came out. I told them I wouldn't compromise for them. They would either accept me or lose me. They tried to wait me out, but when they saw that I was serious, they came around. Now they accept me and my family and treat us like people or they don't see us. They aren't perfect, but they certainly come a long way.

There is a long history of gay people who don't talk to their parents. It's hard, but we have to stop needing them for anything - no emotional support, no bonding, no love, no advice, no money. Once you get yourself to that place where you really don't need them, then you let them into your lives or not. It's your choice. You never let yourself feel guilty when they say that you are a bad person for not including them in your lives. You're not guilty - they are. If they treated you better, you'd let them back in. And if you do let them back in, it's always as an accessory to your life. You have to have a full life without them. You don't need them and you're okay without them.

This is not easy, of course, and it requires a community of friends that you can count on like family. And it requires having people who understand you. This is why P & I need each other. This is why GLB people need each other. We know what it's like to be rejected. We know what it's like to have a wedding that our parents don't attend. That our sister attends but then later complains about. We know what it's like to tell our parents we're going to have children and have them react poorly. We know what it's like to be told not to bring your partner around. We know what it's like to be told you are a pervert, likened to a child molester, by your own parents. No one who is not GLB could ever understand this, and they may tell you that you need to give your family a break. They are wrong. You need to take care of yourself first. This is why GLB people refer to each other as 'family'. We need each other and we don't have anyone else.

But it's not just GLB people who need to stick together. Southerners do to. Around here people are liberal and grew up with diversity. People are shocked with the racism, homophobia, sexism, close-mindedness, and alcoholism that comes with being a part of a southern family. When we moved from FL to IA for grad school, people said 'how are an interracial, same-sex couple going to fair in IA?' Very well, actually. Midwesterners are not diverse - IA is like 96% white. But they aren't close-minded. Southerners are very big on conformity, but Midwesterners are more hands-off. You don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you what to do. Such a relief from the conformity of diverse FL. Of course, nothing was better than moving to the DC area - diverse and liberal and open-minded! Anyway, P & I have a shared experience that few people understand. We need each other. We are family.

The Business of Being Born

We watched this movie last night. It's release was very timely for us, right when we were starting to think through these issues. Neither K nor I are 'granolas', and are not the people that would typically use 'alternative birthing methods'. A & C are totally granolas, especially C who hates all medications. I remember once she said that she doesn't like to take midol because then she doesn't 'feel' the period. And I said 'why do you need to feel it?' So of course they are giving birth in a birthing center in Annapolis. It would be expected of them.

So I'm not a granola and not prone to doing things alternatively, but I have been noticing a trend lately of everyone having a c-section. It's crazy. I know we can do it without the surgery - we've been doing it for thousands of years without surgery. But then, childbirth used to be the leading cause of death among women, and I certainly don't want to die!

In the movie it explains that the c-section rate is increasing because of the drugs we use. The drugs make the contractions more intense and if it goes on too long, the baby becomes distressed, and then it becomes an emergency. We have to use the drugs because doctors don't like long, drawn out labors. Also, laying in bed, strapped to it, is not the best way to give birth. You need to move you hips around so the baby can reposition itself. And standing/squatting let's gravity do it's thing. Laying down means we all have to work harder. So giving birth in a hospital just seems wrong in so many ways.

But what are the options. I'm not giving birth at home! We've got white carpet, for christ-sakes. And we're not going to the birthing center in Annapolis. It's way to far away. My preference would be a birthing center attached to a hospital in case there is an emergency. My friend almost died in childbirth and needed 2 pints of blood. Would she have made it if she hadn't been in a hospital? I don't want to take a chance. I guess I need to do my research and figure out what options we have in our area. But not now. First I need to get pregnant.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Damn period!

I got my period today, on day 28 instead of 31 like last month. Is that because our bodies follow the moon and February is a short month? I read an interesting book called Cunt years ago that discussed this, but I can't remember.

Anyway, tomorrow is when my big physical is schedule, the one that is necessary to be able to buy sperm and get inseminated. That's not going to work with me being a bloody mess. So I called to reschedule, and they said I could come in and just not do the pap smear (I need the pap smear!) or reschedule for June or July, which is just not going to work.

I started calling around to see when I could get a sooner appointment. I called this one place, where a woman answered who didn't speak English very well said I could come in tomorrow. Tomorrow?! That seemed a little skeevy, so I said I would call her back. Then I called some other doctor and made an appointment for March 27. Let's just get this over with!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Legal matters

We met with the lawyer this morning. Michele Zavos. Peace of mind for just $1,575. It's a lot of money but I think it's worth it. She knows her stuff. We have that big tax return coming thanks to a year of home ownership, so we can afford it. We set it up so that our friend L will be the legal guardian of our kids if we both die. We wanted our kids to go to a glbt person so that they wouldn't lose the queer connection, and we think L would to a great job. But he lives in FL and as a gay man he would never be able to legally adopt our kids - only serve as legal guardian. We always tell him he should leave FL. Hopefully he will soon. We need to pick our second legal guardian in case L dies. How depressing that would be - for the two of us and L to all be dead?

We also set up who will care for our dog. Michele said it wasn't important but K thought it was really important. She said "Oh, my poor baby!" C & D will get the dog.

We decided that if we both die, and we don't have any kids (or the kids die), we will just give our estate to HRC. Previously we listed our parents, but they don't need the money and HRC does. Not that we have much money...

Michele's assistant, also maybe a lawyer so assistant maybe is not the right word, is also trying to conceive with her partner. They've been through three tries. We'll probably be in a lesbian insemination support group with her soon. Everybody we know is trying. Interestingly, the assistant/lawyer lives in VA. Michele Zavos has a repeated mantra - whatever you do, don't live in VA if you are GLBT. Yet this assistant/lawyer that works for her lives in VA and is trying to have a baby with her partner. Does she not listen to her boss? We don't even travel through VA unless we can't avoid it.