I went to my required physical today. It was kind of an odd experience. My appointment was with the nurse practitioner because I could get an appointment with her sooner than the doctor. She was a small Asian lady with an accent. She sat down and started reviewing my lab work. "Wow... you got all of these done... HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea..." Then she looked at me quizzically. Aren't doctors supposed to make you feel okay about getting STD tests done so that you'll do it more frequently? I explained to her that I was trying to get pregnant using donor insemination and these tests were required. "Oh, interesting... So do you have problems or does your husband have low sperm count?" My response, "I don't have a husband, I have a female partner." "Oh, very interesting..."
So then she said, "What else do you need?" Crazy lady! I need my physical. Give me my pap smear! I ask her to look through my papers to see the fax I sent with the details of what was needed for the fertility clinic. She asks when my last pap was - January 2007. Was it normal? Yes. Then why do it again? Because I need it! Because they won't let me buy sperm without it, and if I can't buy sperm, I can't have a baby, and I can't be a mommy! Just do the pap! I explain all of this calmly.
So we commence with the pap. She leaves the room, I take off my clothes and drape the little paper thing over me, then she comes back and asks me to stand up and walk placing one foot directly in front of the other. Couldn't we have done this when I was fully clothed? Then it's back on the table and spread your legs. The pap hurts like hell and I ask her to use a smaller speculum. She says women who are not sexually active tend to have pain during a pap. I start to protest, but she says "Not that this is your problem..." Then she informs me that she doesn't see any genital herpes, as if this is surprising. Umm, I wasn't expecting that you would...
We finally finish and next week I will have the results to send to the fertility clinic. One more step accomplished.