Year in Review

We had a huge year. It's time for reflection. I found these questions on someone else's blog.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Went to Australia, got pregnant, bought a new car

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember. I always want to lose weight and certainly didn't do that this year. I wanted to get pregnant and did that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, our close friends A & C gave birth to baby K in April.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nanny, a close family friend who always called me her granddaughter.

5. What places did you visit?
Australia to visit K's godmother in May, CT to visit our friend X for 4th of July, Harpers Ferry in August, TN for a family reunion at Thanksgiving, Deep Creek Lake for our Baby Moon over Christmas. A good year for traveling.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I got everything I wanted in 2008. I must have been a good girl.

7. What day from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day we conceived Precious Poo, the day we found out we were pregnant with Precious Poo, every day in our trip to Australia.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Well, getting pregnant, of course! I'm also very proud that we are so good with our money. In one year we were able to go to Australia, make a baby, and buy a new car, all without going broke.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hmm, I'm not sure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No specific illness, but the first trimester knocked me out. I basically slept for three months and only recently woke up from the fog. It feels really good to be awake.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Our new car!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
K took such good care of me during the first trimester. She is amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Oh, who knows.

14. Where did most of your money go? Hmm, in order:
Mortgage, taxes, condo fees
New car
Making a baby and making that baby legal
Traveling to Australia

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting pregnant, going to Australia, getting a new car, the birth of K

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
American Boy by Estelle featuring Kanye West - we heard this constantly in Australia and then downloaded it as soon as we came home and listened to it nonstop for at least two weeks.
Fidelity by Regina Spektor - K likes to sing this to our baby.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier, I guess. We have a pregnancy now, but this time last year we were hopeful, so we were pretty happy then as well.
Fatter. Before I got pregnant in September I was the biggest weight I've ever been, despite a lot of talk of losing weight. Luckily I haven't gained much in the past five months (maybe 4 pounds).
Poorer - we spent a LOT of money this year!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Helped K out more around the house, volunteered more.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008? On our baby moon. We woke up early Christmas morning and unwrapped our presents. Then we drove three hours to Deep Creek Lake and had lunch in our beautiful hotel room. We walked around to the lake with our dog, then got in the car and drove around the lake for a few hours. Back home at dark where I made us a nice chili dinner. Then we lit the fire in the fireplace, snuggled up, and enjoyed a Whole Foods fruit tart. It was a wonderful day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell in love with our baby Precious Poo. I fell in love with our new family definition. I fell in love with K as the mother of our baby.

22. What are your three favourite photos of 2008?
I don't know but I'm sure it's something from our trip to Australia. There are some really cute ones of our dog too. And some great belly shots.

23. What was your favourite TV program? Ugly Betty.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
It was the big 3-0 and K went all out. My birthday was the Monday after Thanksgiving. The first celebration was the Friday before at a family reunion in TN. My parents threw a surprise birthday party and all of the toddlers jumped out and yelled surprise!

Then on my birthday I had to work but K took the day off. She brought me breakfast in bed. She drove me to work, then came and picked me up for lunch, surprising me with flowers and a balloon. Then she picked me up early from work and we went shopping for maternity clothes and then out to dinner at a little Italian restaurant. Then home for dessert and presents.

My coworkers took me out to lunch at California Pizza Kitchen later in the week. Then on Saturday K threw me a 'Dirty South' birthday party. It was a big year of celebrations!

25. What was the best book you read? I don't remember. I don't read a lot any more, sadly.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? American Boy by Estelle featuring Kanye West.

27. What did you want and get? A baby in my belly, a new car, a flat screen TV for only $400.

28. What did you want and not get? Keyless entry on my new car.

29. What were your favourite three films this year? The Dark Knight was the best. There were some other good ones, but they don't compare to The Dark Knight.

30. Did you make some new friends this year? Hmm, I don't think so. I'll have to work on that.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It was a pretty good year, so I can't say.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Right now I'm wearing maternity clothes that I got from other people that I don't necessarily like but they aren't bad, so I guess my current concept 'other people's fashion'.

33. What kept you sane? K as always.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prop 8, electing Barack Obama.

35. Who did you miss? We lost our friend P. He just stopped calling. I liked him.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I'm not sure.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Patience. Trying to make a baby is very emotional, but you have to keep your head and be patient. The month it worked we were so depressed thinking it didn't work, but it did.

Happy new year everyone. I hope 2009 is as good as 2008, or better!

We didn't do IVF!

At least 5 people have said something about IVF when talking about our pregnancy, something like 'So since you did IVF...'. I know that it's not traditional to get pregnant as a same-sex couple, and people don't know anything about it, but come on! I always respond "We didn't do IVF. IVF is for people who can't get pregnant." Then they ask what we did do and we explain it. I don't mind explaining it to people, I wish they would just ask from the start instead of assuming we did IVF.

I think this bothers us because IVF is where we drew the line from the start. We said we would do IUIs, like we did, and if needed, we would do drugs, but not IVF. If it got to that point, we would stop and explore our options. We just couldn't see spending so much money before the kid is even born, starting a family with debt. So we drew the line, no IVF, and yet this is where people assume we started.

I also think it bothers me because IVF is for people who can't get pregnant. I got pregnant in four months, only really having two tries with IUIs, unmedicated. The only difference between me and a 'natural' pregnancy is access to sperm. I am fertile, damn it!

There is nothing wrong with being infertile or having to use IVF to get pregnant, but this is just because we are a same-sex couple. When other people get pregnant, people don't automatically assume that they had to use IVF. And I know that people don't know what they are talking about and they mean well, but it's still annoying.

Our baby moon

We just got back from our baby moon in beautiful Deep Creek Lake, MD. We splurged on a nicer hotel than we normally stay at, and we had a kitchen, dining room, living room with fireplace, arched ceiling with exposed beams, just a short walk to the lake. It was wonderful! It was not snowy, sadly. In fact, on Saturday it got as warm as 68 degrees! But the lake was still frozen in parts, so it was still wintery. We went to many state parks, hiked to waterfalls, shopped in tiny local art stores, ate at an old-fashioned soda fountain (K had her first ice cream float!), sat by the fire everynight with hot cocoa, and had a wonderful time. K took pictures of my exposed belly all over the place - in front of waterfalls, in front of the lake, everywhere. Who knows where those pictures will resurface!

Yesterday we came home and invited our friends over for dinner. After they left I threw up my whole dinner! I haven't thrown up anytime except morning yet so this totally sucked. Hopefully it's the last time - I'm definitely through with all of this morning sickness bullshit.

I got an email from my sister yesterday that surprised me. She said to tell her the details of our baby shower because she'd like to fly up for it and help plan it in any way she can. I told her that no one has volunteered to throw us a baby shower yet, but we would love a family shower in FL if she is willing to throw one. Hopefully she will - I was able to think of 9 women in my family that I could invite. I'm all for coed baby showers, but not with the men in my family - it's best to just invite the women who actually care about this stuff! If she does throw us a shower, K is going to ask her aunt and mom to throw a shower the same weekend for her family and our friends that live nearby.

In my response to my sister, I also asked her to write a character reference letter for K's second-parent adoption. Basically, we need three letters of reference stating that K should be allowed to adopt our child. We're supposed to ask family members on both sides of our family and friends of ours. We've decided to ask K's mom (this letter will be very strange but heartfelt), my sister, and our friends J & S who came over last night for dinner. J & S volunteered to write the letter months ago, before we even started trying to get pregnant, so they were always on the list. And we have some backups in mind in case these three don't work out.

My crappy Christmas Eve morning

I have to work today since I'm saving all of my vacation time for maternity leave. K is home because she has use-it-or-lose-it vacation time to use-or-lose and I'm jealous.

So I wake up this morning and quietly get ready for work, starting with breakfast - tasty pumpkin bread with cranberries that we baked last night. But my pregnancy rhinitis is really going strong right now and I sneezed a lot all over my tasty breakfast. That's number 1.

Then I take a shower and try to find some clothes to wear. Since we are packed to go on a trip tomorrow, I don't have many pants. I had been planning to wear a skirt with some tights, but the tights were dirty (I found this out after searching all over for them this morning). I pull out my only clean pants - green corduroys that I wore just last weekend - and realized that they have a big hole in the ass (was it there last weekend?). So now I am wearing the only thing left, the pants I wore yesterday to the same place I wore them yesterday. That's number 2.

Then I brush my teeth. All is going well until I throw up - all of that pumpkin bread and cranberries and orange juice - violently all over the sink. A huge mess. I haven't thrown up in weeks, since before Thanksgiving. But today I did, and it was the worst one yet, and it made a huge mess. That's number 3.

So now I'm at work filling my empty tummy with an egg and cheese bagel from the cafeteria that is only okay, and counting the hours until I go home (which may be early - I think I deserve it).

What to do about Santa?

K and I have been discussing lately what to do about Santa. K doesn't like the idea of lying to our children, but I can't imagine Christmas without Santa. We've still got a couple of Christmases to figure this out.

On The Day You Were Born

We celebrated Christmas with A & C and baby K on Saturday by visiting the annual light show at Brookside Gardens. We'd never been before and it was really fun, though quite cold. We then went to our favorite restaurant for Burmese food and then back to our place where we exchanged gifts. They gave us the book On The Day You Were Born rewritten as a photo journal for the baby. On each page you place a picture regarding the baby's birth that corresponds to the passage in the book and then fill in info about the birth (like the time, the weather, who was there, etc.) And then it's a fun children's book to read about the child's favorite subject - them! It's a really great book and I can imagine children would really love reading it. It's really interactive and asks questions that the children can answer as the memorize the story (like what time were you born). It just seems like it will be really fun to read with them and then also to keep as a keepsake. Also, it's all gender neutral, so we don't have to deal with mother/father issues. It doesn't replace a baby journal, because it doesn't cover anything but the birth. But it covers the birth in great detail so it's a good addition to a baby journal.

As far as a baby journal, we're registering for this one: The New Baby's Baby Journal by Michelle Sinclair Colman (Author), Nathalie Dion (Illustrator), the same people who do the Urban Baby's Wear Black series. It has a family tree with 'Mother/Father' on both sides and you just pick the relevant one. And it's fun like the Urban Baby's Wear Black series, with fun illustrations and fun events to celebrate (like baby's first art museum). We found it while shopping along the U St corridor in DC at a stationary store that is known to have lgbt-friendly items, like same-sex wedding cards and stuff. And we're very excited about it!

Twitch, Twitch, Twitch, Twitch

I'm sitting at work in front of my computer and all of the sudden I start to feel a twitching in my lower belly. It was a series, maybe 6 total, and then it stopped. I may have just felt the baby for the first time!

Old people

I told my grandma about the pregnancy in a Thanksgiving card (this may seem weird, but we never talk on the phone). She sent me a birthday card that said "Good luck on your venture."

I told a man that is a grandfather figure (Poppa I call him) in a Christmas card. He called home on Friday while I was at work and left a voice mail that said "Congratulations on your event."

It's a lot for them the take in. I'm a lot for them to take in. But at least they are saying positive things, even if they can't bring themselves to say "Congrats on your pregnancy" like most people do.

You ate the whole thing?

Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend to Hard Times Cafe. I ordered a chili mac, which is chili poured over spaghetti noodles. It's a lot of food and usually I eat half and save the rest for another meal. Yesterday I ate the whole thing, along with a piece of corn bread! My friend, who did not finish his meal, said, 'Wow, you ate the whole thing?' I was pretty amazed too. I think that might be the baby's favorite restaurant.

This week I have been eating like crazy. I've read that right now I need lots of carbs, and I've certainly been craving carbs. I need more fruit and vegetables and generally a balanced diet, but it's the carbs I want. Until this week, I hadn't gained any weight. Today I weighed myself and I was up 4 pounds. In a week?

It kind of sucks to be craving carbs during the holidays - people put out food and I eat it. I need restraint, and I certainly don't have it. Tuesday I went to a coworkers retirement brunch. Today is my office holiday party. And people have been bringing in treats all week, with today being the ultimate. Today alone at work I've had a bagel with cream cheese, a glass of oj, a donut hole, 3 clementines, 3 stuffed grape leaves, 2 small samosas, and half a pita with hummus. And I'm hungry! Bring me more!

A male coworker with kids said 'Enjoy it. It's the only time in your life you don't have to worry about weight gain.' He doesn't have to worry about losing it all after the birth.

It's the Honda Fit for us!

We're going to buy our first car! Until now, we've been driving the car my parents bought me in college 10 years ago. It's a wonderful car considering we didn't pay for it. And it still works pretty well. But it only has two doors, so it's not for our growing family. And it's kind of gross and if we were to keep it any longer I would definitely want it detailed.

The new car is a Honda Fit in blue (we wanted silver with blue as our backup color). We will buy it on Saturday. I placed the deposit today because this cheap car is very popular (at least that's what the sales person said, and I think it's true).

So now we have to figure out how you buy a car. Like, do we just right a check or do we need to get a certified check? What do we need to look out for? How long will this take? We're excited about the new, clean car that we'll be bringing home, but a little nervous about actually buying a car. This is a really adult thing to do (but of course, so is having a baby...).

The good news (I guess) is that there is not any negotiations with these cars - you pay the price on the sticker. They are too popular - if you don't want it, someone else will come along and buy it. It's cheap, efficient, and well-designed, all the reasons we want it and all the reasons everyone else wants it too. So we don't have to bargain, we just have to buy the car.

How exciting - the new car for our new family! Four doors, lots of cargo space, good gas mileage, small to fit in parking garages easily, everything we need!

Jon Stewart is totally awesome!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

A little more legal protection

Yesterday was another visit to our lawyer for more legal protections for our family. We updated my Health Care Power of Attorney to give K the right to make decisions about the pregnancy/baby. And we set up a Temporary Guardianship that gives K the right to make decisions about the baby and to become the temporary guardian if I go in a coma but the baby is okay or something morbid like that. Just $250 more to protect our family, on top of the $1575 we've already spent. It's expensive but totally worth it to protect our non-legal family.

Next step is after the baby is born - Standby Guardianship for the first couple of months and Second-parent Adoption after that.

No more irrational fear

We went to the midwife today and we heard the heartbeat. The baby is alive! And active - lots of kicks. She said she saw my stomach move with one of the kicks so I should be able to feel them soon (Yay!). I layed on the table crying.

Precious Poo's Infinite Play List

Ever since getting pregnant, K has wanted to sing to Precious Poo in the womb. She decided to wait until the baby developed ears and could hear, about 18 weeks. We are at 17 weeks now, and K is convinced that Precious Poo is very advanced, so last night, she sang to my belly. She's been making a playlist of the songs she wants to sing and started from that list last night. The number 1 song is Fidelity by Regina Spektor. She also sang American Boy by Estelle and Kanye West, I Love New York by Madonna, The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie, and Golddigger by Kanye West. She sang and I cried (when does that go away?). More of that to come in the next few months.

Merry Christmas (pat, pat, pat)

Last night we asked our sweet old retired neighbor A over to take our picture for our holiday cards. I put on the one dress that makes me look really pregnant and K put on something pretty, and we stood in front of our Christmas tree. It looks really nice.

When A came over, he asked how I was feeling and patted me on the belly. I've heard that old men like to do this - they want to touch pregnant bellies and they don't ask permission. I don't mind too much from A because he's a sweet old man, but come on, personal boundaries! I guess I'll have to get used to it - I'm just going to get bigger and more men will want to touch my belly.

Congratulations

My work does a yearly calendar made of pictures submitted by employees. This year's theme is patterns. I submitted a picture of the fountain at Darling Harbor in Sydney, Australia, and it was selected. Go me.

A coworker stopped by today and said, "Hey, Congratulations". I smiled and said "Thanks" and put my hand to my belly. She got a confused look on her face and paused and said "Um, I'm talking about the calendar." And I said "Oh, I thought you were talking about this" and rubbed my belly. Looking shocked, she paused for a minute and said "Oh, Congratulations! I didn't know about that!" and then proceeded to ask me about the baby. And I said, "But thanks about the calendar. That's pretty cool, too."

More clothes

A friend from church gave me her maternity clothes - all of them petite. It doesn't all fit - she's smaller than I am I guess. But at least half fits, and that doubles my current wardrobe. All of the pants are the perfect length, and I got two pair of cordoroys, which is awesome. Now I have something casual.

She also gave me a snoogle, which is this crazy looking pregnancy pillow thing. It comes with instructions, which is kind of funny. I put it in the closet - I'm sure I'll want to use it one day.

My 30th Birthday Party

K threw me a 'Dirty South' birthday party to celebrate the big 3-0. She wanted to honor my southern heritage, so she made traditional southern food - beanie weenies, BBQ chips, banana pudding, coke, Budweiser - and played southern music - country, hip-hop. Everyone brought gifts of 30 - 30 cookies, 30 wishes. She hung up pictures of me through the years looking southern - riding in the back of a pick-up truck, swimming in a lake in my underwear, playing in the dirt. And our friends came and we had fun. I'm not sure people enjoyed the food as much as I did, but it was my party. And now the celebrations are over and I'm definitely 30.

I was wearing a maternity dress that made me look hugely pregnant - its crazy how maternity clothes do this to you. K had me hold a can of Budweiser in front of my belly - that is truly 'dirty south'! Of course I didn't drink any - Bud tastes like piss. But it's definitely a southern favorite.

Living up here where no one is southern, no one is country, its nice to have a little fun and feel like home. We're not 'dirty south' anymore (K never was). We're just as urban and liberal as the rest of the people here. But I do want our kids to have some of that - it's my heritage just as much as K's is Indian. We do a little - K went camping with me in August, and she's a fan of BBQ sauce now. And we'll do a little more when the baby is born.

We made the right choice

We met a couple that was 38 weeks pregnant. The baby was measuring large (maybe 8.5 - 9lbs) and they were working with an OB. The OB was starting to pressure them into a c-section ("Let's just go ahead and schedule it.") They were starting to regret that they didn't go with a midwife. It certainly made us feel better about our choice.

Irrational fear

For the last week I've been consumed by irrational fear. I fear that my baby is dead. There is no reason to think this, except that I don't feel pregnant. K looked it up online and found that lots of women feel this in the 2nd trimester. I no longer feel nauseous or overwhelmingly tired. My breasts aren't tender anymore. I haven't felt the baby yet (and won't for sometime). How do I know things are okay? I've always said I'm not worried - I'm leaving that up to K. But now I'm worried and I know it's irrational. Luckily we have a midwife appointment on Wednesday, but that seems like ages away.

You won't be able to sleep!

I was talking to two people in our church that I don't know very well, N and C. N gave birth in a hospital with a midwife, and was raving about the experience. She was saying that she really liked knowing that if anything went wrong, there is backup there as needed. It gave her peace of mind. And she said the two days in the postpartum room were wonderful - she was able to sleep without worrying about anything. She said that it was really the best way for her to go. This made me feel good because this is what we are doing - hospital birth with a midwife.

C gave birth with our midwives at the birthing center that is now closed. C overheard me telling N that I am really looking forward to the two days in postpartum and that the thought of having those two days before bringing the baby home makes me feel really peaceful and less nervous about the whole thing. C interrupted the conversation to say that my ideas about hospital births were wrong - in the two days following birth the nurses will come in and poke and prod me and not let me sleep. It will be a horrible experience. And then she said "I guess I shouldn't be telling you this - the birthing center is closed. You really have no choice."

I thought this was incredibly rude. This woman has never given birth in a hospital, so she really doesn't know what she is talking about. N, speaking from experience, said it was fabulous. And really, it doesn't matter. You should be supportive of whatever options a woman chooses. It's her body.

So that's what was wrong with me...

I called my midwife yesterday since I'm still sick and it's been over a week. She reviewed again the meds I can take, and recommended a Neti Pot, which I bought last night but haven't used yet because it looks gross and hard to use. She also added Sudafed to the list of approved meds, so I think I'm going to try that right now. She then said Benedryl, which I said didn't work so well for me the first time I tried it. And she said that for most people Benedryl puts them to sleep, but for some people it makes them nervous and anxious. Which explains why I couldn't sleep over Thanksgiving - I just laid there in bed with my head spinning, nervous and anxious like when I take Midol, which has a lot of caffeine. The anxiety probably contributed to all of the tears, on top of lack of sleep. I've taken Benedryl before, and it always knocks me out, but I guess everything changes when you are pregnant. No more Benedryl for me - I hate that anxious feeling.

Remote access

I haven't been to work in two days, but that doesn't mean my deadline for Monday slips. So I took this as an opportunity to finally get permission to have remote access to work from home sometimes. My boss approved it today and my coworker set up my computer and now I can log on and work away, still in my pjs. Off to work I go.

Drugs

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today. For the first 15 weeks I successfully avoided all drugs. This week everything fell apart. I took Zofran on Thursday and Sunday for motion sickness while driving 7 hours to and from TN. Thursday night I took Benedryl to help with my cold (it didn't help). From Friday on I've been taking Robutussin every 4 hours (this does help). Starting last night I've been taking regular strength Tylenol every 6 hours for my aches and pains from this cold (or maybe from just lying in bed for so long). What else can I throw at this baby?

I'm 30!

I made it over the threshold. My birthday was yesterday. I was at work, very sick and very tired from the long thanksgiving weekend. But I was at work because I didn't want to be thought of as a slacker who takes the Monday after Thanksgiving off and pretends to be sick. I was coughing a lot, so everyone is aware that I'm sick, so I went ahead and took today off. If I can't take drugs, I think I needs lots of sleep.

So my birthday could have totally sucked, but K saved the day. She took the day off and spent it with me as much as possible. She brought be breakfast in bed (bagels with three candles). Then drove me to work, and met me later for lunch with flowers and balloons. We went to a Latin American cafe, where I had vegan orange chicken, and then walked over to a bakery, where I had a fruit tart. Then back to work until 4pm (I deserve to leave one hour early on my 30th birthday, right?). K picked me up and we went to the mall to spend my birthday money on maternity clothes. I bought leggings at Target so that I can wear all of the skirts I got from C in this cold weather, a pair of nice black pants from Old Navy, and a pair of nice grey pants from Motherhood Maternity. Then we had dinner at a nice Italian restaurant we'd never been to before - Baked Stuffed Eggplant is very tasty! Then home for presents and a dessert sampler platter from Whole Foods. Then in bed early because I'm sick and pregnant.

All in all, a good day. It's just the beginning, though. K is throwing me a 'Dirty South' birthday party on Saturday. Can't wait! I've got the best wife ever.

Thanksgiving

We traveled to rural TN for a family reunion. 12 adults and 7 children under 5 sharing one house with four bedrooms and 1.5 baths. It was crowded, and loud, and lots of fun. It was my family (parents, sister & family, cousin & family, K & I) and another family we grew up with (parents, 2 daughters and their two families). Only my sister and my parents knew we were pregnant, supposedly. When we arrived, we started telling people, and they kept saying "I know!" It seems my mom spread the word. Everyone except my cousin, who seemed offended to be the last one to know. Not my fault! My parents were acting like they were excited for a new grandchild, which is good news. My mom's talking about making her traditional Christmas stocking for the new baby next Christmas and my dad's hugging me and asking if it's a boy or a girl.

I was/still am really sick with a cold. We woke up at 4am on Thursday and drove 7 hours to TN. I was exhausted and sick. I was tired and grumpy through Thanksgiving and went to bed at 8:30. But we were sleeping on an inflatable mattress on the floor. It was cold (heat rises) and uncomfortable and I couldn't breathe because of the cold. So I didn't sleep much, and spent much of the night crying because I couldn't sleep, and praying for morning. When my mom got up at 6am, I joined her. And I sat at the kitchen table in the dark with her, crying. And I cried on and off until around 2pm. It was so embarrassing. If that is the only experience my family sees of me as a pregnant woman, they are going to think I'm handling it really poorly, when actually, I think mostly in public I'm doing okay in general.

My parents threw me a surprise party on Friday for my 30th birthday, which is today. There was some confusion and we needed to go to Wal-mart* and my brother-in-law and dad were going to Wal-mart but wouldn't let us go with them. Actually, they were buying me a cake. We got back after they did and my dad came out to apologize, saying he didn't know we wanted to go and he would've come with us and I broke down and sobbed and told him not to worry I just couldn't stop crying today and this really wasn't that upsetting to me. He looked really uncomfortable. Then we walk inside, and all the kids jumped out and yelled surprise and I started crying again. It's seriously embarrassing! It was a nice surprise. I got some nice baby related presents. My parents gave me money to buy maternity clothes (we're going to Old Navy tonight to see what's available). My sister gave us a Winnie the Pooh bath set, rubber ducky included.

My four year old nephew is very confused about this baby. He told me that when the baby comes out of my belly, he will have a little sister. I said "Well, actually, a little cousin." Later, he put his hand on my stomach to touch the baby and said "This reminds me of when I was in my mom's belly and my dad put his hand on her belly to feel me." And I said "I'm sure the baby is happy its cousin is saying hi." And he said "But maybe the baby thinks I'm its brother." We'll leave this one up to my sister to sort out!

We finally feel included in my family. We are the very last people to have children. Now that we're pregnant, and there is a baby on the way, it's like we are real. People can relate to us. Maybe it tells them that we are normal after all, and that we just want what everyone else wants. Whatever it means, it's nice.

*We normally don't go to Wal-mart out of principle, but this is rural TN, and if you need something, you have to go to Wal-mart.