Monday, December 29, 2008

We didn't do IVF!

At least 5 people have said something about IVF when talking about our pregnancy, something like 'So since you did IVF...'. I know that it's not traditional to get pregnant as a same-sex couple, and people don't know anything about it, but come on! I always respond "We didn't do IVF. IVF is for people who can't get pregnant." Then they ask what we did do and we explain it. I don't mind explaining it to people, I wish they would just ask from the start instead of assuming we did IVF.

I think this bothers us because IVF is where we drew the line from the start. We said we would do IUIs, like we did, and if needed, we would do drugs, but not IVF. If it got to that point, we would stop and explore our options. We just couldn't see spending so much money before the kid is even born, starting a family with debt. So we drew the line, no IVF, and yet this is where people assume we started.

I also think it bothers me because IVF is for people who can't get pregnant. I got pregnant in four months, only really having two tries with IUIs, unmedicated. The only difference between me and a 'natural' pregnancy is access to sperm. I am fertile, damn it!

There is nothing wrong with being infertile or having to use IVF to get pregnant, but this is just because we are a same-sex couple. When other people get pregnant, people don't automatically assume that they had to use IVF. And I know that people don't know what they are talking about and they mean well, but it's still annoying.


C.I.W. said...

I can honestly say that I don't think many people know what the difference is. I *red faced* am one of them!! shhh. :) When I first started looking into it, I was cllluuuueeelleessss.

We are trying IUI (have 2 times- no luck) again after this brief break..

Did you do all the monitoring? I need to look back in your blog and find out... did you use FF,temps, etc? Did you have a KD?

okoko.. I will just go read and see if I can find out myself :)


C.I.W. said...

okay.. I read!! see... stupid questions abound.



Anonymous said...

Try not to get defensive, it's really just people talking out of ignorance.

I don't know if IVF is just for people who "can't get pregnant". I think for some people that's the case but for others, like me, it's what they move on to when IUIs haven't been working and it doesn't make sense to keep pouring money into something with such a low success rate. I wouldn't consider myself someone who "can't get pregnant" (all the tests indicate my body is in fine working order) because I haven't gotten pregnant through a series of IUIs with frozen sperm.

Who knows? Maybe I'm in denial.

Terri said...

i just googled 'babies with 2 mums' and your blog came up. i've had a quick skim through some of your stuff and from what i've read you and your partner sound very much like me and mine! Friends first, then lovers, engaged, married, baby, new car!! I'm currently pregnant through IUI (first try - amazingly blessed) and everyone assumes IVF until we tell them. we're currently just under half way through our pregnancy. it's an exciting time and i was just googling key words to see if there was anyne else out there that we could chat with and share experiences. It's lovely to find your blog xxx T&K xxx