I'm getting a cold

Lucky me - the first cold of the season. Much worse when you're pregnant and can't take a lot of drugs. I called the midwife and she said I could take Robotussin (plain, no letters behind it) for the cough, Benedryl for the congestion (but she said only at night because it will knock you out), and Tylenol for aches and pains. At least it's something. The fun part is that this is a holiday! I get to be sick on a holiday! Plus, we are getting up at 4am tomorrow to drive to TN for 7 hours to spend the weekend sleeping on the floor crowded into a house with 20 people, 8 of which are between 2 and 5 years old. I'm sure I'll get over this one quick. Maybe I'll even pick up a bonus cold from the kids. Happy thanksgiving everyone!

Telling my coworkers

I finally had my annual review. I'm a team player, willing to work hard to get things done. Go me. After the review, as I was signing the paperwork, I told my personnel supervisor that I was pregnant. Congratulations, that's great news, how long will you take off, have you told your other project managers yet... No, I haven't. So I spent the rest of the day telling people I was pregnant. My workplace is weird in that I have different 'bosses' for each project I'm on. So I had to tell 6 different people yesterday - my personnel supervisor, the VP of our department, and 4 project managers. This, along with my review, took about 3 hours. It's fun, but also exhausting, and I haven't gotten anything done. Everyone said positive things, everyone seemed excited. One project manager said she somehow knew I was trying but couldn't remember how. I didn't tell her, so who spilled the beans? Anyway, things will be much easier now that I'm not hiding anything anymore. And now I can eat popcorn whenever I want without anyone judging me.

Maternity clothes

C gave me all of her maternity clothes on Saturday. She said "besides those pants I gave you, how much maternity clothes do you have?" Um, I only have those pants... She told me to get to her house right away and try her clothes on. So I did a little fashion show for C & A & K and even baby K. She's crazy tall and I'm crazy short, so her pants don't fit. But her capris fit me as pants, so I ended up with three pants, along with lots of shirts, some skits, and a couple of dresses. So last night I packed all my new clothes for our Thanksgiving trip to TN - a whole new wardrobe.

It's interesting how when I wear maternity clothes, I look pregnant, but in normal clothes I don't. The clothes aren't necessarily things I would buy myself, and they aren't even things that C would buy for herself (these are at least 2nd generation hand-me-downs), but they are pretty good, and are saving us lots of money. It's a lot of pastel, which is interesting. Baby clothes are all pastel, and now I've learned that maternity clothes are also all pastel. I guess this is our life for the next couple of years...

I moved all of these clothes into my closet and let K raid my closet. So now I'm wearing all of C's maternity clothes and K is wearing all of my clothes. Everybody wins.

Family pictures

My cousin is putting together a gift for my grandma with pictures of her great-grandchildren and family dogs (yes, we certainly love our dogs in my family). So my mom emailed me for a picture of our dog. I reminded her that we have a great-grandchild picture to be added as well and sent along the ultrasound picture. Hopefully she's not too ashamed of my alternative family to pass it along to my cousin.

Yes, I am eating popcorn at 8:30 in the morning!

I ate my yogurt parfait breakfast this morning at 7am when I woke up - yogurt, bananas, granola, blackberries, raspberries. It was very tasty. As I was driving to work, I started to feel sick, and felt that I needed to eat something starchy. So as soon as I got to work at 8:30 this morning, I popped some popcorn. A coworker was in the kitchen with me and said "Please don't tell me you're eating popcorn for breakfast." So I said "No, actually, I already had breakfast, but I felt like I needed a little more, so now I'm having popcorn." He gave me a very strange look.

It will be so much easier when I finally tell these people I'm pregnant - pregnant women can eat whatever they want and people just say, well, she's pregnant and have a little laugh. And if I want to eat popcorn at 8:30 in the morning, after I've already eaten breakfast, I would just say "well, you know, I'm pregnant..." and nobody would care.

Money

K worries a lot about money these days. I'm much more confident that we have enough. We've always budgeted well, we make decent salaries, we've got investments, we get raises every year, I get a bonus every year, we are in a good place. Babies add expenses for sure. Plus we need to buy a new car and our condo fees just increased 34%. And in general things cost more these days. But we're also very frugal. Our friends A & C, whose baby is 6 months old, have said that besides childcare, they haven't spent much on the baby. All of their baby furniture is hand-me-downs. They use cloth diapers, which means you don't have the expense of constantly buying diapers. They breastfeed, which is free. We plan to do all of these things too.

Baby furniture offers have been coming from everywhere. A coworker said she has been begging people to take her crib forever, and she has tons of other stuff to give away too now that her daughter is three. J & S, whose youngest is 6, say that their garage is full of baby stuff, including a crib and lots of bottles. And A & C, whose baby will be one when ours is born and has already outgrown lots of things, have offered to give us their things too. Plus there is freecycle, and I'm doing my first pick-up of baby paraphernalia tonight. We won't be buying very much for this baby, and that feels really good.

As far as the rest of it, I guess I just think we are good with money and we'll make this work. My parents had nothing and raised my sister and I well. Cousins and family friends have so much less than we do, and they make it work. Yes it would be easier to make more money. My sister's husband makes way much more than we do combined, which is why my sister can afford to stay at home and send her kids to day care. But we don't need to make tons of money. We make decent money, we are penny pinchers, and we're willing to make sacrifices. I'm pretty sure it's going to be okay. I know it's going to be okay. Now how do I convince her?

Food diary

My midwife asked me to keep a food diary, so I started yesterday. It's a crazy long list. No one should ever do this - it's just a weird exercise and makes you feel weird. With this much food going in me, it's amazing I haven't gained any weight yet. Here's the list for yesterday:

2 slices whole grain french toast with syrup and raspberries/blackberries
orange juice
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich on honey wheat bread (natural peanut butter and raspberry jam)
3oz strawberry on the bottom yogurt (I only ate half of the 6oz container - my tummy was feeling funny because I threw up in the morning)
Three lentil vegetable soup
Grilled cheese
2 oranges
apple
Fake chicken breaded with cheese

Cheese ravioli with tomato sauce

Salad with lettuce , tomato, raspberries, Parmesan cheese and lime vinaigrette

apple with peanut butter

Today's list is almost as long, and it's only 4:30:

2 slices whole grain french toast with syrup and blackberries

orange juice

6oz strawberry on the bottom yogurt

apple

Thai cucumber salad

Mushroom soup (I picked the mushrooms out)

Fried zucchini with honey mustard

Roasted potatoes

2 oranges

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich on honey wheat bread (natural peanut butter and raspberry jam)

Not an ache, exactly...

Here's the email I sent to my friend M who asked about the ache:

Hmm, lot's of questions. I certainly don't know how to answer them, but I'll take a stab.

I also find rude kids really annoying, and would hate to have one of those. I don't think kids are born rude. I think they learn it from their family, friends, and society. So we won't raise rude kids - we'll raise really good ones. I think most of the problem is they way people parent these days. A lot of parents are afraid to be strict with their kids. They need discipline.

I also find suburban kids really annoying, so we won't be having one of those either. We also find suburban moms really annoying. We live in the city. We can walk to many things we need, including close friends and a playground. We only have one car. If we don't have a suburban life, we can't have a suburban kid.

You develop the kid the way you want. It takes thought and effort. I think many people just go through their lives and get really busy and don't think about it, but we will. Community service is very important to us. We volunteer now and we will continue to volunteer when we have children. Spiritual foundation is really important to us. We attend church, and we celebrate rituals at home, and we'll continue to do this, and probably do it more when we have children. We will do our best to make sure they aren't snot-nosed brats.

As for ache, I don't know that I would describe it like that. I know some people have an ache. We don't have an ache - we have a desire, but it's not an ache. We both always wanted kids. K had some young cousins born when she was in high school and college and she just really loved spending time with them. We both always envisioned ourselves as mothers. We love spending time with our friends kids - very fun to be with but also very well behaved. And just very cool - the 8 year old plays the drums!

As for the timing, we are at a good place in our lives now. We are both in stable jobs with decent income. We love our neighborhood and have developed strong bonds with friends in our area. We have a good church to bring them to. We own our home. Things could certainly be better - it's always nice to have more money, it would be great to be more advanced in our careers - but these things will always be there. You always feel like you need more money and you always want to keep advancing in your career.

Age was a big factor for us. Adoption was something we always talked about, but it's becoming harder and harder to do international adoption these days as a same-sex couple. Many countries ban adoptions by same-sex couples, so you have to lie and pretend you are single, which is really difficult with home visits and financial checks and everything. And many countries have started requiring people to be married because they've realized that all of the same-sex couples are lying. As for domestic adoption, generally I've heard that many places will work with same-sex couples (not all - for example, Catholic charities runs a major adoption agency) but the person placing the child up for adoption often has an 'ideal family' in their head regarding who they want to raise their child, and same-sex couples don't fit that image. So we decided that adoption was out, also because it is is super-expensive ($30K +).

So if you aren't adopting, age become a big deal. It's already hard to get pregnant using frozen sperm. Fresh sperm and sex with a man have much higher rates of pregnancy. As you get older, your ability to get pregnant goes down. So if you are older and using frozen sperm, you just really don't have great chances. We know many 35+ women trying to get pregnant using frozen sperm and trying for years. I know one woman who started trying in her late 30's and took five years to get pregnant. This stuff is not cheap - we were spending $1500 a month and I wasn't even taking any fertility drugs or doing anything very aggressive. These older women spend thousands per month and still have no baby to show for it. It's emotionally draining and financially draining. We didn't want to go through that, so we started early when I was only 29. This way we can squeeze in one more before I turn 35.

How do you know it's the right time? You never do, really, because where is life taking us? But it can't be the wrong time. K and I are strong together. We support each other very well. Neither of us ever feels we do more around the house, or that we work harder than the other. We've struck a true balance, a true partnership, and we'll be great parents together. That much we know. So whatever we do, as long as we're doing it together, we'll be great, and we'll love it. I certainly would never want to be my mom or my dad, and raise a child. My mom did all of the housework and child care and worked. My dad worked even harder at work and didn't have a strong relationship with his kids. But that's not the relationship we have. Do you know what I mean?

As for what kind of woman you are? I'm not sure I can answer that one. Fiercely independent. Not willing to be tied down. Skeptical. You love your job. You work hard. Do these things sound right?

So what are these pictures you've attached? You didn't tell me anything about them. I'm attaching a picture of my big belly. I already had a big belly before, so I look farther along than I am. But now, instead of looking like fat, my belly has gotten hard and well formed. I haven't gained any weight but haven't been able to button my pants in over a month. it's strange. I'm learning a lot about the female body.

So that's a lot of stuff about me, probably more than enough. So I'm signing off now.

Why didn't you tell me this three months ago?

We've heard this from multiple people this week as we've been calling and sharing the good news. People who have had babies or know people who've had babies don't ask this question - they seem to understand the general three month rule. But others, close friends who live far away that we don't talk to much, are hurt that we would wait so long. Then we feel guilty, but it seemed right at the time. Oh well, no regrets, we can't go back. We told who we told and now we're telling everyone else. And the phone calls keep going - we still have a long list of people to tell and a long list of people's feelings to hurt.

Reading

All I've been reading lately are books about pregnancy - what's going on in my body, how to take care of my body, what to eat, what the baby looks like. On Saturday I started reading something else. I picked up Eat, Pray, Love a month ago at our church rummage sale. Our minister loves it, so I thought it was worth a try. I've been reading it nonstop since Saturday. I'm not ever sure I like it. I find the woman weak and needy and self-indulgent, and someone I probably wouldn't like in real life. But I can't stop reading it because it's not about pregnancy. It's completely unrelated. It's an easy read and won't take me long to finish. Then I'll get back to reading about pregnancy, but I'm welcoming the break now.

A bad day

Friday was a bad day. It was unexpected because last week was a good week. But Friday my body said, nope, too much, let's back up. I woke up in the morning feeling okay, brushed my teeth and threw up. I never recovered from throwing up and stayed sick all day. I went to work, did what was absolutely necessary, and came home at 2pm. I slept until 5:30. I was up with K in the evening doing small things. Then I crashed at 9:30 on the sofa. K woke me up later to send me to bed, but I decided to sleep all night on the sofa, using my dog's favorite stuffed animal as my pillow. She offered to bring me a real pillow, but I declined - a gross, licked all over stuffed animal was fine with me. I then woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my dog sleeping on my feet. I thought the dog was K and tried to get her to move to her side of the bed. When I realized it was Angel, I couldn't figure out where I was or how I got there. I also realized I was hugging something like a doll - my bra. It was like I was coming out of a fog. I woke up the next morning fine and have been feeling great ever since. I guess my body decides what it wants and if it wants sleep, it takes it. At least now I know who is in charge.

The ache?

I got this email from my high school friend M that I don't know how to respond to. She is married to a man and lives in CA. She's always been kind of different, bucking the traditional route. She did get married, after living with her boyfriend for many years and then sneaking off to HI to elope last year. In high school she always talked about how she didn't believe in marriage and didn't want kids, which I never understood because all I wanted was to get married and have kids. She came from a very happy family, her parents are still married, and she's close to her brother. This is the email that she sent. Just to clarify, I never mentioned anything about an 'ache', those are her words.

I also agree that it is so amazing that you will have a new life in just a few months...unbelievalbe to me sometimes!

What is the ache to have children? I mean, how do you know if you have an ache or not? I like kids ok, though most annoy me because they are misbehaved and ruder as they get older. But then there are some that you would love to have yourself. You just dont know what you will get. I just dont want to have that bored suburban kid. What kind of ache did you have? Have you always known it would be a segment of your life or that you would make it so? Funny questions maybe, but I seriously dont know. I also don't want to have children just to have them. You know, automatically, with no question or concern like some people who dont think to much about it until the kid is sitting on their lap.

What kind of woman do you think I am or am to be? Sometimes I just dont know anymore what this is all about or what I want out of it while I have the chance. What did you think I would become? I have a really bad memory when it comes to what I was like even one year ago. Did I really say I didnt believe in marriage? I wonder what I meant, I have forgotten that too :) Though, I still dont know if I believe that "marriage" is necessary. Things are what you make of them, marriage certificate or not.

Alright, you probably think I am crazy now! But I am really serious! Send me pictures of yourself pregnant! Love, M

Maternity pants

Today I'm wearing my first pair of maternity pants. They were C's old pants, given to me yesterday. They were capris on C, but they are full length pants on me. This is the first time in a month (or months?) that I'm wearing buttoned pants, and it feels good. My belly band is nice, but my pants still fall off of me. And with these pants, I don't have to wear a long, baggy shirt to cover the fact that my pants aren't buttoned. I think it's getting close to time to switch to maternity pants. My parents are getting me a gift card to Motherhood Maternity for my birthday, still a couple of weeks away. I guess I'll wait to buy more pants until then, but for now I'm enjoying my one pair. Thanks C!

A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!!!!!!

K emailed our college friend D yesterday and got a great response. This telling people thing is fun. Here's the email exchange. Her college nickname was Buttlover, and K doesn't let things like that get forgotten...

Hey Buttlover, We've got great news! J is pregnant! We're due in May. We just passed 13 weeks. The anonymous donor is Indian, so our baby will be half Indian, which is nice. J's been doing well. Nauseous, tired, etc but still doing well. She has a baby bump and she's getting bigger for sure. I'll have to send you pictures. Hope you guys are doing well. What's up with you all anyway? Haven't heard from you in a while. Unfortunately, we're not going to FL this year for Thanksgiving or Christmas. J's family is having a family reunion in TN and my Mom decided to spend her holidays in India, so besides TN for thanksgiving J and I decided to go on a BabyMoon -- the last trip you take before having a baby -- for Christmas. We're going to Deep Creek Lake in MD. It has the same snowfall of Fairbanks, Alaska. So it'll be a snowy Christmas for us. And of course, Angel gets to come with us which is even better. I'm so excited to give little Angel a new brother or sister! I know it's hard to travel, but it would be great if you could come up for a few days after the baby is born. Talk to you later, K


Holy cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I can't believe it!!!!!!! I didn't even know you guys were that ready!!! Man, you should've seen my face. The moment I read "J's pregnant!" my eyes turned to saucers and I yelled out loud, "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!" Dude, that is so awesome, esp since the baby will be part Indian! Please please please send me pics and keep me updated. I definitely want to come see you guys some time after the baby's born. Are you going to find out the gender of the baby? Do you have any names picked out yet??? Holy moly, little tiny J carrying around a baby belly. Wow!! I'm so happy for you guys!! Please keep me updated on her progress.
I just got home from a loooooong and frustrating day at work so I'll update you about my end some other time..... I'm gonna eat dinner now.
Tell J I said CONGRATULATIONS for me please!! I'll be thinking of y'all.
Take care,D

Energy

I think I'm getting energy again. For the past few months, all I could manage was to go home from work and lay down until we went to bed. But for the past few nights I've been going home and making dinner without taking a rest first. I like this. I could get used to this.

Cravings

I don't know if I have cravings, but I have very specific things that I want. I went through a pizza stage, but I think I'm past that. I'm very into oranges right now, but I'm a FL girl who grew up with orange trees in the back yard. I always crave oranges. I usually get oranges for Christmas and my birthday from my family because the ones from FL taste better than the ones in the grocery store, and winter is orange season in FL. So I'm not sure this is a craving, or if it's just me.

But I do get these things where I can almost taste a certain food in my mouth and want it until I finally get it. We went to breakfast at Teaism on Sunday. I kind of wanted french toast, but everyone was raving about the cilantro scrambled eggs, so I got those. They were okay, but the guy I was eating with got the french toast and it looked amazing. I talked about the french toast all day. Monday when I got to work, I went to the cafeteria to get french toast but they were out. I've not gotten french toast yet, and the desire has kind of died down, but it's still there.

The other night I was lying in bed and said that I really wanted a yogurt parfait. We used to make these at home and eat them for breakfast - plain nonfat yogurt, granola, bananas, a combination of organic blackberries, raspberries, strawberries. It tasted so good. I went to work yesterday and bought a strawberry parfait in the cafeteria, but the granola was soggy. I still want a parfait, but a really good one.

Last night traffic was horrible because of the rain. I waited 6 times through the traffic light less than a block from my house. It took me 1 hour and 15 minutes for a drive that usually takes 30 minutes. While sitting in the car, I thought about going home and making spaghetti. I thought about what I could add to it. I tasted it in my mouth. When I got home, the jar of sauce in the fridge was bad because I haven't cooked anything since getting pregnant. K said 'that's okay, just make something else.' But I couldn't think of anything else to make. Nothing sounded good. So she helped me to decide on veggie burgers, sweet potato fries, and green beans. It was a good meal, but left me wanting.

K promised the next time we go to the grocery store, we will buy ingredients for all of my food needs. I'm not sure if these are cravings or if I'm just bored with the food we've been eating lately. I feel like cravings should be stronger - like I can't do anything but think of this food. Maybe that's just Hollywood.

Telling people

Yesterday we decided we were ready to start telling people, everybody but our coworkers. Most of our family and friends live out of state, so this requires phone calls, emails, and letters to people we may not talk to very often. It's a lot of work - exciting, but exhausting. So we decided we will tell one person a day.

Yesterday we told our retired neighbors. They were excited for us, and had a million questions about how it works, and they were very sweet. It felt nice to finally say it out loud. For months we've been so evasive when people ask how are you, what's going on with you. Now, when people ask, we can say "We are wonderful. We're having a baby!"

Today K is emailing a college friend D. D was an usher in our wedding, but we don't talk much now. Maybe once a year at Christmas if we are in FL. We thought email was okay in this instance. And we needed a quick and easy one because tonight is Ugly Betty and we can't spend hours on the phone with someone.

So two down, many to go. It's fun!

We saw our baby!

Yesterday we had an ultrasound to test for down syndrome. K is worried about this because my beta levels were high in early pregnancy, so we got the test. But the most awesome part about it was the ultrasound. Last time we saw our baby, he/she was only 6 weeks old and just looked like a white dot. This time we saw an actual baby - spinning around, kicking, waving, crossing his/her legs. It was like 'wow, that little human is inside of me?' It's totally more real now. I just wish I could feel the little one moving around, but I know I will soon.

We also went to our 13 week midwife appointment yesterday, and we got to hear the heartbeat. It was just amazing. Here's a video of the heartbeat, and you can hear a little kick.



And here are the pictures from the ultrasound. Isn't our baby beautiful?

Vegetables

Since getting pregnant, I haven't been big on cooking. Normally, I cook every night. Nothing too special, but a healthy balanced meal. Since getting pregnant, it's been whatever's quickest and easiest. We always try to have a protein and a fruit or vegetable with every meal, but that's really it for the criteria. The other night I had a corn dog and a can of green beans. Not horribly unhealthy, mostly balanced, but probably not the best way to eat. Lots of fruit because they are easier to eat than vegetables (which typically require chopping and cutting).

K and I have been feeling a little icky lately and both felt that we needed more vegetables. Last night I was determined to cook something with vegetables. I opened the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator and it was disgusting. All of the vegetables had grown fur. Who knows how long they had been in there? It was so gross. We cleaned out the drawer and I found one zucchini in decent condition and cooked that with some microwaveable rice.

I'll be twelve weeks on Sunday. I'm hoping for more energy soon so that I can get back to making healthy meals for my family.

Shocked and Amazed

My parents went to a segregated elementary school. My children will be born when there is a black president. What a difference 50 years can make. Isn't this country amazing?! Last night we stayed up to watch the results, but I fell asleep after Obama won Ohio - I knew it was over then. K stayed up and watched the whole thing. They kept showing footage of street parties in DC and K said that she wanted to say "Let's go be a part of this. It's historic!" but then she looked at me sleeping and decided it was best for me and the baby if we just stayed home.

My weekend

It was quite a weekend. I'm exhausted.




Friday night was our Halloween party. I was the Joker and K was Two-face. I cooked a decent meal mostly from scratch. I stayed up late and had fun. We went to bed at 1:30am. I'm a pregnant lady that is used to going to bed at 9pm. This was certainly my latest night in a long time.

Saturday I made up for my lack of sleep. I got up around 8:45am to go out to breakfast with K. Then I went back to bed until 12:30. I woke up for lunch, then back in bed by 1:30. At 3:30 I woke up and thought, wow, I need to do something. All I've done today is eat and sleep! Pretty insane.

We went to drop off our dry cleaning in a nearby mostly Hispanic neighborhood. Outside the dry cleaning place was a pupusa truck. I got a cheese pupusa for $1.25. They should put these trucks everywhere. Fulfilling the needs of a hungry pregnant lady for only $1.25 - amazing!

We went to Target for Halloween clearance and bought some stuff our baby for next Halloween - two Halloween onesies, Halloween booties, and Halloween barrettes. Next year's Halloween will be so much fun!

We stopped by J & S's on the way home, hoping to see the kids before they went to bed, but we missed them. So we stayed and talked to J & S for hours, until midnight. I guess the all day nap gave me the energy to stay up late. S said I was looking big and pregnant. I'm only 11 weeks! How can I already look big and pregnant? They mentioned that they had a lot of baby stuff in their garage. Their youngest is 6, so they've been holding onto these things for a while. They want to give the stuff to us! Awesome!

They recently discussed with their kids about sex and where babies come from. K and I wanted to make sure the kids didn't think that I had to have sex with a man to have this baby. J said no, they've already explained all of that to the kids too. They are such great parents! J said when talking to the kids about our sperm donor, she explained that we used sperm from a man who was Indian so that our child would look like K. The older child said, "But K is African American. She has dark skin and curly hair." Interesting.

On Sunday was the baby expo at Shady Grove Hospital, where we will be giving birth. They had lots of vendors giving away free stuff. We got booties and a swaddling blanket and kit kats, amongst other things. We learned about breast pumps and car seats. But most importantly, we toured the labor rooms and the delivery rooms. The labor rooms were fine - basically what you would expect from a hospital. The nice thing is that they are all private and you get your own bathroom with a jacuzzi tub. I thought the rooms were a little small for the pacing and stuff that I expect to be doing, but otherwise, all to be expected.

The postpartum rooms are awesome! Every room is private with a private bath. For vaginal births, you typically stay 2 nights, 3-4 nights for a c-section. Each room has a fold out sofa-bed and the baby stays in the room with you, so basically the three of us can sleep comfortably for two days. Each room has a TV and DVD player, and both K and I instantly thought 'Arrested Development!' There's a family lounge with sofas and a dining table and kitchenette, where you can greet your guests if your room gets too crowded. And best of all, there are classes - breastfeeding and infant care - and there are support groups. And there are consultants to teach you things. I feel like after those two days, we will be ready to go home. We'll have baby practice with others around to help us. Just being sent home with the baby would be so scary but now we have the transition period. Also, I think I'll be able to sleep better at the hospital there knowing that there are nurses watching over the baby. At home I think I would be too nervous to sleep. After seeing the postpartum rooms, I feel really comfortable and peaceful. I'm still super-scared of labor but now I'm comfortable with the part afterwards. Soon I'll work on getting comfortable with the idea of labor...

We had our pregnancy support group last night followed by a dinner celebration of L's 30th birthday. I asked L what it felt like to be 30 - he said it felt like death. Great - something to look forward to. We met A, one of the guys L is dating. As soon as I met him, he pointed to my stomach and said, 'This is exciting!' I was like, 'wow, is it that obvious?' but he said that L told him already.

L said that if Amendment 2 passes in FL, he is leaving FL for good. Finally! Come to DC forever, L! We told him that if he's still here in May, we want him to attend the birth and he was really excited. I hope he can make it work.

I was up late again - in bed around 11pm. This morning I considered sleeping in and calling in sick, but figured I should save my sick leave for when I'm feeling really horrible. Right now I'm just feeling tired.

Things I can't do

The blood drive - I've been giving blood since I was 17, as soon as I became eligible. Last week at work was the big blood drive we do twice a year. I always participate, but not this year.

Get a flu shot - the midwife said to definitely get one but not until twelve weeks. I'm only 11 weeks. My work had a clinic last week, which would have been easy. Sometime next week I need to go out of my way to find a flu shot somewhere, after I'm at 12 weeks. Sigh.