Monday, February 4, 2008


I have a crazy mother-in-law. She wasn't born in America, so I have to write some of her oddities off to cultural differences. However, I still think, even after all of that, that she says/does some crazy things. She lives in FL, we live in MD, so there are some safe distances between us most of the time. She is Indian-Guyanese, and as I've learned from my many Asian friends, Asian families have fewer boundaries - your house is their house. K's grandmother basically lived with her three children for various amounts of time for the last 20-30 years of her life. She had her own home, but would go and stay with one of her children for months at a time, just to be closer to them, I guess.

The problem with the Mom-in-law is that she only has one child, K. We visit her in FL at least once a year, and she comes to visit us at least once a year. Our visits with her tend to be very short. Only two days for the past Christmas. She complains - why so short, why can't you stay longer? She has no understanding of vacation time. She is retired (has been retired for most of her life, actually), and so when she comes, it's for weeks at a time. Her last visit was last May for three weeks. She booked it saying "I'm going to visit my family in NY while I'm there to see you so I'll book a long time" but then when she got here, we said "when are you going to NY?" and she said "I'm not going to NY, why do you ask?" She just stayed the full three weeks with us. She never calls before booking her trip to see if we have plans. She just calls to say "I just booked these tickets, so I'm coming."

She hasn't been feeling well lately. Last night on the phone she specifically asked to talk to me to tell me about her woes. She said she would like to come stay with us for about a month and just sleep. Stifle a groan, that sounds great... A month would her longest visit. Her visits usually try my nerves. But I feel guilty. She is truly the only parent who supports us as a family. K's dad certainly doesn't, and we all know about my parents. And K is her only child, and we moved away from her. And there is the whole Asian culture - my house/your house - thing. But she's crazy, and she says negative things about me and my home (only in the nicest way, of course), and she's dramatic, and she's a lot to handle.

K told her to come. I told her to call us before she booked the tickets because we've got stuff going on and we aren't cancelling planned vacations. But then I sent her an email this morning encouraging her to come soon because I was secretly thinking that I don't want her here when start trying to get pregnant. It's enough to deal with our emotions, we can't deal with hers. And she used to be a nurse (back when she worked a LONG time ago) so she thinks she an expert on all things medical. I don't want her advice on this. And I want to be relaxed and just having her here stresses me out.

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