How much weight have you gained?

Today I got that question for the first time. I was in the elevator with a woman who works in my company that I don't know but see often in the elevator. She asked all of the normal question "So when are you due? Boy or girl?" Then said "How much weight have you gained?" I gave her a strange look and she said "I gained about 60 pounds when I was pregnant!" So I said "Oh, I've only gained about 17 pounds. I've been lucky." Then she looked disappointed and then I got off of the elevator. Sorry to disappoint but I just haven't gained that much. Partially I've tried to eat healthy, partially I've been forced to eat healthy due to my gallstones. I certainly had enough to begin with that I don't need much more.

Last night's dinner with our friend E was interesting. According to her, she does everything in their marriage, she doesn't think it's a partnership, and she needs some space to feel like herself again. When she was talking about what he doesn't do, I thought about all of the things I don't do, and how upset K gets with me sometimes about it. E said "After reminding someone to take out the trash every Thursday for 19 years, you get sick of it." I thought, what if K is sitting around a table 10 years from now saying the same thing? After she left, I told K how I felt and she said I was being silly, that I do a lot of stuff, that she feels like we have a partnership. I'm very secure in our relationship, and have been for many years, but talking someone who's been married for 19 years and wanting a divorce just threw me.

I ate too much last night at our dinner. We went out for Indian and then back to our place for sorbet and cookies and afterwards, I was feeling very, very full. Sometimes that feeling of fullness starts to feel like a feeling of pressure and gas and then lots of pain and then I'm throwing up because I have gallstones and can't eat like I want to. So I rested and I was okay, but I was a little nervous. But the Indian food tasted so good!

Surprises abound

Last night was another big surprise. My mom called and said they wanted to visit for 4th of July to meet the baby. We never bothered asking them to come to visit because the last time we did was full of drama. We asked them to take off their shoes while they were here and they sent an email threatening not to come because they are 'not vegetarians and do not worship Indian culture' and if we wanted them to visit we had to accept them as they are, in a longer and angrier email than this. We said fine, wear your shoes, if shoes are more important than visiting your daughter. They did come in January 2008 and we all had a good time. But then K and I said to each other that we would never ask them to visit again - they could come if they wanted but we wouldn't ask. And if they didn't visit, we wouldn't go out of our way to visit them either. We've seen them twice since getting pregnant, and talked on the phone a few times, and have never said to them "When will you come to meet your grandchild?" They surprised us by asking to visit. Babies change things. It will be interesting to see how the next 18 years go.

Tonight we are having dinner with a friend who is separating from her husband. It's so sad. They were college sweethearts just like we are. They've been together for 19 years and they are only 40 years old. They have two kids that they adopted from Korea after years of struggling with infertility - a 12 year old girl and 9 year old boy. They are good people that always seem happy and like they are having fun together. We had no clue that they were having trouble. They came to our baby shower a few weeks ago as a family and we co-hosted an Arrested Development viewing party with both of them in January. Everything seemed normal. I guess you just never know. But tonight should be a sad one for sure.

34 week midwife appointment

Yesterday was our 34 week midwife appointment. In two weeks we start going every week. Wow. Everything is going well. I've gained 17 pounds and measure 32.5 cm, a little on the small side but within range. She said that the baby has not dropped, no matter how many people say that it has. This made K feel better - no early birth!

Sunday was our pregnancy support group and we got to meet three babies that have been born since we got pregnant - from 5.5 months to 8 weeks old. All were quite cute. And we got to hear their birth stories - all different. One couple used the midwives and labored mostly at home and seemed to have it really easy. One couple had pitocin and an epidural with a doctor who made them wait to give birth until the doctor could be found since she doesn't get paid unless she's present in the room for it (I don't care if the doctor gets paid - the baby's coming out when it comes out!). And one woman was induced and eventually had a poorly done c-section. The midwife story sounded the easiest and least painful so I'm happy that this will be our path too.

Our friend L has moved to town finally and he's going to be at the birth. K told him I might piss and shit and vomit and he said, "yeah, okay". Then she said I may strip down naked and he said "whoa, what?". Nudity is much worse than shit, I guess! K is trying to prepare him with stuff from The Birth Partner book that she is reading to take the edge off of her a little. And she put him in charge of the phone tree. He says he up for all of it.

Yesterday we got some surprises when we came home. First, waiting in front of our door was a very expensive $280 car seat we had registered for. Everyone says the Britax Marathon is the best so we registered for it as our replacement for when our baby outgrows the infant seat, but didn't really expect to get it. But a co-worker friend of mine bought it for us. Nobody spends that much on their friends! It's crazy. But we are thankful. Then we opened our mail and found a $200 Target gift card - no return address, no card, just a note saying "Many exciting adventures ahead!" Who would anonymously send us a $200 gift card? It's crazy! K sent around an email today asking people to fess up so that we can thank them, but no leads yet. All we know is that the envelope was mailed from MD, so that narrows it down a bit, but we can't think of anyone of our local friends who haven't given us a gift already.

This morning sucked. I was eating yogurt, started coughing, and threw up all over myself. At work. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up and then asked a friend if I smelled of puke. She said I didn't and gave me some perfume just in case. I felt fine before and felt fine after but I threw up! So goes the life of a pregnant woman, I guess.

Refurbishing baby clothes

Almost all of our baby clothes are hand-me-downs. In fact, almost all of our baby things are hand-me-downs. We've been really lucky to get some great stuff from friends and also worked hard to get stuff from freecycle, neighborhood moms listservs, and yesterday's big garage sale clean up. So we have tons of clothes and only some of it is nice. Since we do have so much, we've been choosy. We didn't keep anything that is stained or too worn looking, but we did keep stuff we don't really like. It would be so much fun to go shopping and buy clothes that we love, clothes that we can't wait to dress our baby in, clothes that make our baby look cool and hip and fun. But we don't want to spend money on clothes that last about 3 months before the kid grows out of them, so we're making due with what we have.

We've gotten some really cool gifts that will make our baby look like a rock star - I Love NY onesies, a onesie that says "My Moms Rock", a onesie that says "Punk Baby", a t-shirt that says "Barf Vader", a t-shirt that says "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?", a sleeper in 70's colors of orange and reds, an Indian baby outfit, a bib that says "HRC baby", a onesie that says "Chillin in my crib", a bib with a robot on it. And we've gotten some cool things as hand-me-downs or from the thrift store - a camouflage t-shirt and hat, a KISS t-shirt, a Chinese outfit, two African outfits, a fleece leopard print hoody and pants set. These are things we can't wait to dress our child in.

But some of the other stuff is plain, or cutesy, or even ugly. And this is where K has been working her magic. She's been ironing things onto these onesies and sleepers and t-shirts to jazz them up, using iron on letters, premade iron-ons, patches, and things printed from the computer. Now we have some really fun clothes that were only so-so before.

We got a pack of white onesies as a gift and she ironed on sayings like "The force is strong in this one...", and "Everyone loves a Southern Girl". One says "The Prettiest Thing in Silver Spring" which is a quote she from her historic Silver Spring walking tour - it used to be the logo for a car dealership back in the 70's when our neighborhood was pretty shabby and a car dealership was the prettiest thing in Silver Spring. Now it will be our baby. Another says "Silver Spring's Ambassador of Love", a take on our favorite band They Might Be Giants' slogan "Brooklyn's Ambassadors of Love". One says "BRAT" in sparkly letters.

We had a night gown and a footed PJ that were both decorated with baby chicks. She added "Hatched by two chicks". A sleeper covered in clouds and moons now says "I love the nightlife, I've got to boogy". A sleeper covered in hearts says "I love my mommies". An ugly onesie covered in turtles and chicks now says "Fashion victim". The camo t-shirt says "Rock Star". A purple onesie says "SUGAR" across the bottom. A t-shirt says "Nobody puts baby in the corner". A fleece outfit for winter has an anarchy patch.

She's done many, many alterations. We keep a drawer of clothes to be altered always adding more, always coming up with more ideas. These clothes are fun, better than going shopping for clothes because these came from us. They are our ideas and they make us happy. Although it would still be awesome to go out and buy new clothes.

We love the word 'FREE'

Yesterday outside of K's work was a community garage sale. At 4pm everything was free for the taking - whatever was left you could just walk away with. K said most people were just grabbing a handfull of things, but not her. She came home with three large bags, half of which were for the baby. She called me and asked me to pick her up from the metro since she had so much stuff to carry home. Some of the goodies - bassinet sheets, a co-sleeper sheet, lots of parenting books, cards and stickers from a baby keepsake box (maybe we could use these to make baby announcements), books about pregnancy and parenting, a sippy cup, baby spoons and forks, new baby proofing items, bottles, a 'baby bag' that you put on the baby in the stroller when it's cold outside (this one is practically brand new), new clips and labels for breast milk freezer storage bags, iron on letters we plan to use for refurbishing used baby clothes, and lots of other stuff I can't remember. Then we went to a friend's house last night to pick up our character reference letters they wrote for the second-parent adoption and she gave us a huge bag of crib sheets. It was quite a day.

We received in the mail a flyer for Babies R Us that says that if you register with them you get a $10 gift card and a goody bag. We don't shop there because they received a failing score from HRC. But we don't mind getting stuff from them for free - in fact it feels good to stick it to them. So we plan to go tonight to register and get our free goodies. We've made a list of things we need that cost $10 so we can find something to buy tonight and never have to go back.

Second parent adoption

Tomorrow we meet with our lawyer to set up the paperwork for second parent adoption. We've gathered letters from family and friends, statements of health from our doctors, tax records, family pictures, financial statements. We've written our values statements. We're as prepared as we can be.

The lawyer's office is in the same building as a women's clinic that also performs abortions. There are protesters every Saturday morning, so we'll be there in prime time for the protesters. We used to live only a block away and would walk by the protesters many times. They are aggressive and rude and yell things about killing babies to every woman who walks by, whether or not she is headed into the clinic. Since we'll be heading into the building this time instead of just walking by, I'm sure they will assume we are going to the women's clinic. We plan to tell them I'm there for an abortion. At 33 weeks pregnant that's not anywhere near legal, but it should put them into a fury that will give them something to do for the rest of the day. We could also tell them we are a same sex couple meeting with our lawyer - I'm sure they also don't believe in same-sex marriage.

Iowa strikes down gay marriage ban

http://www.365gay.com/news/vanasco-iowa-strikes-down-gay-marriage-ban/

We used to live in this state. I'm beaming with pride! Maybe we really will retire to an old Victorian mansion in Des Moines after all.