Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A very nice character reference

Our friends J & S are writing a character reference for our second parent adoption. They sent this really nice letter. They are also throwing us a baby shower next weekend. They are good to us.

Dear Sir or Madam:

We are writing to express our strong support for K S K in her application for second parent adoption of the baby that her partner, J K, will give birth to this May.

We have attended church with K and J since 2004, first becoming aware of them during the service in which they gave a touching and joyful announcement to the congregation of their plan to hold a religious marriage ceremony. We became friends during the course of many church functions, and since the moment we moved into their neighborhood in early 2007, K and J have assumed a truly prominent and valued role in the life of our family. We see each other frequently and communicate at least several times per week, and we count ourselves lucky to have such good, close friends to rely on and to share our lives.

As we have gotten to know them, K and J have shared the story of their relationship with us. Best friends since age 18, they became a couple late in college and, in the same year, announced their intention of spending their lives together. In 2001 they went through the legal processes to assume the status and protections of marriage to the extent available to a same-sex couple, and in 2005, then both in their mid-twenties, they elected to hold a religious ceremony to celebrate their marriage. They adopted the same last name, and soon after bought a home together. Since then, we’ve watched them plan financially and organize their lives with great intention and anticipation around the goal of raising a baby together. The day that J called and shared the news of her pregnancy was one of the highlights of our year 2008.

During the course of our friendship, and particularly as they prepare for the new addition to their family, we have come to understand with certainty that J and K will be outstanding parents. We have two children, B, who is eight years old, and E, who is six. Although it is not a given that a childless couple will seek out a great deal of interaction with their friends’ children, K and J have taken an active, loving interest in B and E and have been integral parts of their lives over the past few years. J and K have been as good to our children as they have been to us, celebrating holidays and birthdays, inviting them to movies, sleepovers, and other activities. Our children love and respond to both of them as extended family. When asked who they’d like to have watch them when we are away, the answer we get from our children is inevitably, “K and J!”

While the care they have taken to nurture their relationship with our children is a strong indicator of the engaged and caring parents they will both be, we also have indications of the quality and style of parenting J and K will provide their child. Through numerous conversations on the topic, we have come to understand the deliberate thoughtfulness with which they approach parenthood, and they have on several occasions given us excellent suggestions in how to deal with issues we have faced with our children. They observe the parenting styles of everyone around them, and they have articulated well-formed opinions about the manner in which parents’ expectations of their children, their values, and their behavior should be defined and encouraged. Because their observations and conclusions align very closely with our own, we naturally believe that their parenting will be outstanding! More important to note, however, is the characteristic intentionality and thoughtfulness of their approach. The careful deliberation and thought that they have invested in every major decision of their relationship, from legal and financial decisions to the decision to have a child, will carry over to support their success as parents.

We could not be more enthusiastic about recommending both K and J as parents. They are a committed, loving couple who have a tremendous amount to offer their child. Please grant K’s petition for second parent adoption so that she will have the legal status to support her as she becomes a parent to this very lucky child.

M J K and S A W

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