New plan

I got my period on Monday. I called the doctor yesterday and we are ready for insemination around the 9th & 10th, depending on when my pee stick turns pink. Then we checked our calendars to see what we might be doing on the 8-11. K has a conflict. Her work has their annual all-staff meeting on the 10-12. How sure am I of a pee stick with a pink line on the 8th, meaning we could inseminate on the 9th, a day before the staff meeting? Ugh, not very. This is our first time - how sure can I be of anything. So we decided to do it at home this month. And at the doctors if we can squeeze it in. Last night we picked a donor, and today I started the process of ordering 2 vials of ICI ready sperm for the at home insemination and 4 vials of the IUI ready sperm for 2 months in the doctors office. Now tonight K will begin studying how-to knock me up. And we need to get some turkey basters. Ugh, new plans after all of this planning?

Back from Australia

We've returned from our three week vacation in Australia. We are exhausted and have spent all weekend laying around - not sleeping and not doing anything. Tomorrow we return to work. That sucks! Here are some things from our trip:

1. K's Australian godmother wanted to know all of the details of how this works. She reminded us that the most important thing is breastfeeding. She told us about her pregnancies and births, and also about when K was born. We told her that we hope to call her soon with pregnancy news.

2. We cuddled a koala named David at the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary in Brisbane. He was so cute and clung to us just like a baby. There is a beautiful picture of K holding David and the two of them looking into each others eyes. There is a professional picture taken by the park of the three of of that we plan to put in our nursury.

3. We visited the smallest penguins in the world, the fairy penguins in Philip Island near Melbourne, just 13 inches tall. It is fall in Australia, but the penguins are confused and think it might be spring, so they are going through a false mating period. We were surrounded by penguins trying to make babies. We think it's got to be good luck, positive energy.

4. We bought two children's books for our bookshelf, both about the adventures of koalas. We weren't planning on doing this, but we had $10 left of Australian currency, and we were at the Sydney airport leaving the country, and went shopping to spend the last of our money, and these books were just so cute.

5. We really missed our dog. We can't imagine leaving children for that long.

6. Today I got my period. Looks like we are getting started with this soon, just a couple of weeks away. And we haven't even picked a sperm donor yet.

Dilemma

It's hard to plan your life when you don't know if you're going to get pregnant right away or not for a few years. Example - how do you plan to travel? We've planned our big Australian getaway in just two days, before we even started trying to get pregnant, but what happens after we get back? We have promised a friend a visit to his new house in CT for the fourth of July. We've been planning to go together to an optional work trip I have to Denver in August. We always get together with our college friends for Labor Day - this year we are planning to go back to college for a mini-reunion (mini because it's just us and not in any way sanctioned by the school). We have a family reunion with my family in TN for Thanksgiving.

So what if I'm pregnant? We really should be saving our money and vacation time. And I get really motion sick, with pregnancy that will get much worse. But what if I'm not pregnant? We can't just sit at home for the next couple of years waiting to get pregnant. And we should get the travel out now before the kids are born, because then it will only be harder.

For the most part we've decided to put this decision making off until we get back from Australia. This is how we are handling most of our life right now - everything can wait until after we get back. However, we need to make a decision about my work trip to Denver. If I want to go, I need to fill out the form before I leave for vacation. I have the form. It's been sitting on my desk for over a week. Tomorrow is my last day at work and I don't know if I will submit the form or not.

Rainbow Families Conference

We attended the Rainbow Families DC conference on Saturday, which luckily for us, was in Takoma Park and not far from our home. We were amazed at how many people we know at the conference. Our lawyer stopped by and said hello. We ran into a couple that we met last year at the conference and later had dinner with because they were adopting a baby from India and we were interested in learning more. This year we met their adopted little girl - very cute. We ran into the folks at the blog 1 in Vermillion, who we know through A&C. A actually showed up, which surprised all of us. She looked so tired! Our friend I came to learn more about surrogacy and after we had dinner with him (if eating at Chipotle really counts as having dinner with someone). Our fertility doctor led the session called Donor Insemination 101, with charts and diagrams and models, very detailed informative. She also ended up sitting next to us during lunch. All of these people we know really shows how much a part of this community that we are now. We've lived in this area for five years, and on days like this, we realize how much this really is our home.

We were able to ask our doctor about our burning question - what if you can't find Rh- sperm? She said not to worry about it because you can get a shot after you are pregnant. What a relief - now it's back to picking sperm, and we can take into account more criteria than simply Indian with the right blood type.

The DI session was co-led by the woman who will be leading our DI support group, so we introduced ourselves to her. Her criteria for leading that group is, I guess, that she has been through it before. Her experience was not good, and I hope that our goes much better. I guess we'll find out soon.

We also attended a panel discussion about bi-racial families that was really interesting. One thing we found at is that all of the white people on the panel have racist parents, so we're not alone in that! One woman who is married to a black woman and they have a bi-racial baby said that her Irish father is just horribly racist and close-minded. They take him in small doses and with clear boundaries set. And then they tell their children "grandpa's old and hasn't had a lot of experiences. he's going to make us angry. when we go home, we'll yell and scream all we want." and if they are staying at grandpa's home, they will take breaks, like to go out for ice cream without him, and they will all yell "GRANDPA'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!" and when they feel calm again, they will go back to his house. I think this is a great plan. I don't want to shut my family out completely because they are my only link to my culture, but we need to equip our children to deal with them.

Second parent adoption

A&C asked K and I to write a recommendation for A to adopt baby K through second-parent adoption. We drafted something quickly with the hopes of dropping by with it yesterday so we could squeeze in one more visit with baby K, but it seems they were out at a wedding all day with their 10-day old baby. I'd love to hear how that went!

Here's what we wrote.

April 27, 2008

Dear Sir or Madam:

We are writing in regards to the adoption of KHW by AW. We first met A and C in 2004 at our church. We were new members, and they had been attending for a long time. We became fast friends as we had a lot in common. We were two young couples in our mid-twenties going through what all young couples go through – planning our wedding, buying a house, wanting to have kids. We’ve been through it all with them.

We went to their housewarming party in 2005 when they bought an historic three bedroom row house in downtown Greenbelt. They loved the house because it was in the neighborhood C grew up in, just down the street from C’s parents. They imagined their children playing in the backyard, which has a beautiful view of the woods. They imagined their kids playing with the neighborhood children on the playgrounds and biking through the trails. They imagined family holidays, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, crowded into their home and running around in that big backyard. They imagined their family and their lives in that house in Greenbelt. This past year they hosted their first family Christmas, and dream of many years to come.

We attended their wedding in 2006, a small affair with just their closest family and friends on a sailboat at sunset in the Annapolis harbor. The ceremony was beautiful and just so them. They took the same last name to symbolize that they were a family, and they chose the name Waters to symbolize their relationship, endless and beautiful and life-sustaining. There wasn’t a dry eye as we witnessed them declare their love for each other.

And now we’ve met baby K. He is everything they have been working for and wanting since we met them four years ago. They are so in love with that baby. C is Mama and A is Mommy. When they look at baby K, you see love and dreams and hopes for a future of family happiness.

A and C are both the moms of baby K. Neither of them could parent without the other. They co-exist as a couple, and now they co-exist as parents. Seeing them together as they care for baby K is like watching a choreographed dance – C feeds K, A burps K, K sleeps in A’s arms, C feeds K. In just one week they’ve figured out how to work out caring for a newborn as a team, and this is how they will continue to raise K – with teamwork and love.

Please grant A full adoption rights to baby K. He is as much her child as C’s. They planned for K together, and they will parent K together, but to do so, A needs to be K’s legal parent.

Thanks for considering this case, and choosing making a difference in the lives of this family.

J&K

Visting the baby

We visited AW&CW and the baby on Friday night, along with our friends KA&CC. Baby K was just 8 days old. It's an interesting dynamic because KA doesn't want to have kids and doesn't really like them, but CC does want to have kids. He just lights up when he's around babies. On the car ride over, KA said that she doesn't see the interesting thing about babies so young - they just scream all of the time. So we were all amazed when KA offered to hold baby K. We were all like 'are you sure?' and CC said 'get used to that feeling'.

K and I both enjoyed holding baby K, with his little fingers and toes and ears and eyes. Everything is so little and cute and tiny. We told him that we want to be his favorites, and we'll give him all of the ice cream and pizza he ever wants.

I was amazed at how many times CW fed baby K. We were only there for like 3 hours, and he ate at least 5 times. I guess they are still working on their schedule. I asked AW if she's used to the fact that she's a mom yet, and she said no, she feels like she's just got him for a short time and then someone's going to come and take him back. They are lucky because CW is able to take off 3 months and AW is home for 3 weeks, but since she is a teacher, she will only be at work for one more month and then she will be home for the summer. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not a teacher, but then I remember that I really hate teaching.

We had a great time with the little one and can't wait to see him again, but sadly I don't think we will until after we get back from our trip. He'll be so old by then!

Just one more week

Just one more excrutiating week before we head to Australia for a three week vacation. This is our big, blow-out, we can't do this when we have kids, vacation. But it's also our visit to K's godmother, who came from Australia to attend our wedding. We'll be there for three weeks, definitely log enough to forget about it all. But we have to get through one more week of work, and housework, and a condo board meeting, and a car repair, and a hair cut. Ugh, it all sounds so draining. I just want to be gone, out of here, on vacation.