She calls every other day with a lecture. She was a nurse like 40 years ago and thinks she knows a lot and wants to tell me all about it. Here are things she says in every phone call:
1. You need to eat a lot of protein. Are you eating enough protein?
Yes, I'm eating enough protein. You're only asking me this because I'm a vegetarian, and I find that annoying even when I'm not pregnant.
2. I tell her I'm really tired. She first tells me that this is not a symptom of pregnancy - she's never heard of that before. Then she says, in a voice full of judgement, that I need to go to bed earlier, stop going out so much, reduce my social life. I'm tired because I do too much.
Um, hello, I don't do anything. I took three naps this weekend. I go to bed every night at 9pm. And everyone is tired during the first 12 weeks.
3. Lie to your work about how far along you are. You're not allowed to work past 7 months, so you need to lie to them.
So many things wrong with this - it's just not true!
4. I tell her we are going to a family reunion in TN for Thanksgiving that my parents have been planning for two years. She says, "No, you can't go to that. You need to stay home and rest."
I will be in my second trimester, feeling more energetic than I have in months. It's only a 7 hour drive, and we plan to take multiple breaks so that I can walk and get my circulation going. There is nothing wrong with traveling when you are 3 1/2 months pregnant! And besides, I want to go!
5. How long do you want me to stay in May?
It's May! It's like forever from now. I can barely make it through work awake, I come home and all I want to do is sleep. I cannot think about how long I want you to stay with me in May. And frankly, you are driving me crazy, so right now I want to tell you not to come at all! Why don't you call back when I'm feeling good in the second trimester and we'll talk about it then, when I can be nicer?
6. I ask her what her plans are for her visit for New Years. She asks me to help her find tickets. Then she says it's too much money and why should she come if she's coming in May. I tell her I did a lot of work to research this, we will pay for her tickets as a Christmas present. She says she'll call me back in a day or two. She hasn't called back in a week, so I'm assuming she's not coming. At least this was a way to get her to stop calling!
She's said many other crazy things as well, but these recur every phone call. When I give her responses to her craziness, she is adamant that she is right - No, I know you're not allowed to work past 7 months. It's a rule, you can't get past it. Or I know how you guys are - you stay up late and you have a big social life. You've got to make sacrifices.
And frankly, she was a nurse for the shortest time ever, and hasn't worked in like a million years, and she didn't work on the maternity wing. She only had one child. She is certainly no pregnancy expert.
I told K that I don't want to talk to her for a few weeks. I'm not answering the phone for a while. K can answer it and tell her I'm sleeping. I understand that this her first grandchild and I'm glad that she is excited. She's always gotten on my nerves with her "I know more than you" attitude, but now that I've got pregnancy hormones, and I'm tired, I cannot take it. I don't want to say anything mean, so I'm not going to talk to her anymore for now. She's not my mom, so I don't have to talk to her if I don't want to.