Some random thoughts

• My breasts are bigger than my baby's head. It's amazing how big these things are. I look down at them while breastfeeding and wonder whose breast they are.
• My breasts are no longer my own. They are things used for feeding. There is nothing sexual or private about them. I have shown them to more people than I can count including three friends and K's mom, none of whom I would have considered showing them to a week ago. In the hospital, I spoke to many doctors, nurses, midwives, lactation consultants, people who deliver the food, etc. while naked from the top up. Sometimes breastfeeding, which doesn't feel too bad because you are mostly covered by the baby. But sometimes while pumping, which just feels really weird - you are completed exposed and pumping. Those were probably the time I was most embarrassed. I thought it was over when I left the hospital, but we went to the pediatrician yesterday and had questions about breastfeeding. She said 'let's give it a try and see how it looks.' I hesitated a little and then pulled out my breast and fed my baby during the rest of the appointment. I long for modesty.
• I love the hospital. Advocates of birthing centers and home births told me that hospitals are horrible because you are poked and prodded and get no rest. I disagree - hospitals are fabulous. They care for you, they answer the many baby related questions you have, they feed you, they do the massive amounts of baby laundry that piles up, they provide you with diapers, wipes, etc. - all you need to care for the baby, they take your baby a few hours at night to give you sleep, they provide you with unlimited lactation support for free. The place is amazing. We didn't want to leave. And luckily with the c-section we got to stay a long time.
• Breastfeeding on demand is a lot of work. Not work, really, but time consuming. I can't do anything but breastfeed. Today I went through stretches of feeding every half hour. I fed during dinner. I feed all night long. I'm cranky from not being able to do anything. She's sleeping now which means I get a break, but also that when we are ready for bed, she'll be wide awake and wanting to eat.
• Baby's go through a lot of laundry. They spit up on the new clothes you just dressed them in, they have juicy poop explosions. In just two days at home we had a whole load of laundry just from the baby, and each one needed to be stain treated.