My first dildo cam!

I was supposed to get my +OPK on Tuesday, and haven't gotten it yet. Yesterday afternoon I had some fertile mucus so I called the doc first thing this morning and she told me to come in for a sonogram. The sonogram was on the dildo cam, which I was really afraid of until I saw it. I fear this big huge dildo, but it's actually pretty small and painless. Turns out I haven't ovulated yet and won't for 4-5 more days, which will be about a week late. The nurse assured me that this is completely normal and that I shouldn't worry about anything. I'm still a little worried but what can I do.

K has been in a funk all week. On Sunday we both had the feeling that this was going to be the cycle, but by Monday she had switched to feeling like this isn't working at all. It doesn't help that I haven't ovulated yet and every day I don't ovulate depresses her more. I am trying not to worry about it much because I'm supposed to be calm and not stressed in order to make this work. But everyday this week she is depressed, so last night it broke and we argued and cried and hurt each others feelings. We ended with a decision to try to stay positive. We will do what we can to increase my fertility and to get the timing right, but we will stay positive. K has been doing a lot of reading and has some ideas about how to do things better, and we will be trying those options. And we might have a burning ceremony where we write down things that we worry about but we have no control over, and burn them to symbolize that we are letting them go. And we are both going to try to support each other better.

This weekend our college friends are coming to stay. We plan to laugh a lot, and act like we did 10 years ago. And relax and forget about it all. Except that we have to wake up early to pee on sticks and keep hoping for a positive.