We met with the lawyer this morning. Michele Zavos. Peace of mind for just $1,575. It's a lot of money but I think it's worth it. She knows her stuff. We have that big tax return coming thanks to a year of home ownership, so we can afford it. We set it up so that our friend L will be the legal guardian of our kids if we both die. We wanted our kids to go to a glbt person so that they wouldn't lose the queer connection, and we think L would to a great job. But he lives in FL and as a gay man he would never be able to legally adopt our kids - only serve as legal guardian. We always tell him he should leave FL. Hopefully he will soon. We need to pick our second legal guardian in case L dies. How depressing that would be - for the two of us and L to all be dead?
We also set up who will care for our dog. Michele said it wasn't important but K thought it was really important. She said "Oh, my poor baby!" C & D will get the dog.
We decided that if we both die, and we don't have any kids (or the kids die), we will just give our estate to HRC. Previously we listed our parents, but they don't need the money and HRC does. Not that we have much money...
Michele's assistant, also maybe a lawyer so assistant maybe is not the right word, is also trying to conceive with her partner. They've been through three tries. We'll probably be in a lesbian insemination support group with her soon. Everybody we know is trying. Interestingly, the assistant/lawyer lives in VA. Michele Zavos has a repeated mantra - whatever you do, don't live in VA if you are GLBT. Yet this assistant/lawyer that works for her lives in VA and is trying to have a baby with her partner. Does she not listen to her boss? We don't even travel through VA unless we can't avoid it.
Showing posts with label legal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label legal. Show all posts
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Lobbying for same-sex marriage
For the past few years the state of MD has been involved in a court case in which 9 couples sued the government for the right to marry. It took years, went through the various levels of court, and was finally decided a few months a go by one vote in the state supreme court that same-sex couples do not have a constitutional right to marry.
In response this year a bill has been introduced that would make same sex marriage legal. We went down with some members of our church to a large statewide rally in front of the capital building last night, and then met with our state senator and two of our three delegates. We are very lucky to live where we do. All of our delegates and our senator sponsor the bill. The lead sponsor in the senate is our senator Jamie Raskin and he is very outspoken on this issue. We basically went to thank them for their support. Friends of ours in more conservative counties didn't have it as easy. Our friends A and C, C who is big and pregnant, went into a few sessions with people that said, basically, to a pregnant woman, I'm sorry, I don't support you and your family. That sucks. So we're thankful for where we live, and for the people who represent us. And we're thankful for the people that lobby with delegates that are unfriendly.
According to our delegates and senator, we are close to being able to get this passed, at least as civil unions. I'd take civil unions. Hell, I'd take anything, which is more than what I've got now. But I don't have my hopes up. I let myself get too hopeful with the court case, and that just led to depression. So for now I'm just watching and hoping C and her big belly made an impact on someone important last night.
In response this year a bill has been introduced that would make same sex marriage legal. We went down with some members of our church to a large statewide rally in front of the capital building last night, and then met with our state senator and two of our three delegates. We are very lucky to live where we do. All of our delegates and our senator sponsor the bill. The lead sponsor in the senate is our senator Jamie Raskin and he is very outspoken on this issue. We basically went to thank them for their support. Friends of ours in more conservative counties didn't have it as easy. Our friends A and C, C who is big and pregnant, went into a few sessions with people that said, basically, to a pregnant woman, I'm sorry, I don't support you and your family. That sucks. So we're thankful for where we live, and for the people who represent us. And we're thankful for the people that lobby with delegates that are unfriendly.
According to our delegates and senator, we are close to being able to get this passed, at least as civil unions. I'd take civil unions. Hell, I'd take anything, which is more than what I've got now. But I don't have my hopes up. I let myself get too hopeful with the court case, and that just led to depression. So for now I'm just watching and hoping C and her big belly made an impact on someone important last night.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Adopting
We're faced with two options. Go through all of this to try to get pregnant on our own, or adopt. K and I talked about it last night, and we just feel adoption is not an option. We'd love to adopt a baby from India or Guyana, but most countries have laws against same-sex couples adopting babies. So we'd have to go back in the closet and hide our relationship. After all of these years, I don't even know how we'd do that. How do you hide that your life is completely entangled with someone elses? Also, we heard that judges are starting to deny second parent adoptions for these couples that lied to the international agencies.
We talked to a couple who adopted from India. They were assigned a baby when she was 3 months old, and when we spoke to them, the baby was over two and still living in an orphanage in India. They were approved for the adoption, but the Indian government kept dragging their feet. I can't imagine the torture of knowing your baby is out there but you can't have her.
There's always domestic adoption, but we've always heard that while adoption agencies say they are willing to allow same-sex couples to adopt, they secretly have a preference for hetero couples. So we would be a last resort. I don't want to be treated like that. That's why we left the south. We try to avoid situations where we aren't respected because it just doesn't feel good. I don't have the strength to put up with that kind of rejection, of being told our family is okay, but not as good as this nice family over here with a mom and a dad.
So we feel like this is our only option. And it's okay because we like it this way. I want to be pregnant, and K wants me to be pregnant. So let's just hope it works.
We talked to a couple who adopted from India. They were assigned a baby when she was 3 months old, and when we spoke to them, the baby was over two and still living in an orphanage in India. They were approved for the adoption, but the Indian government kept dragging their feet. I can't imagine the torture of knowing your baby is out there but you can't have her.
There's always domestic adoption, but we've always heard that while adoption agencies say they are willing to allow same-sex couples to adopt, they secretly have a preference for hetero couples. So we would be a last resort. I don't want to be treated like that. That's why we left the south. We try to avoid situations where we aren't respected because it just doesn't feel good. I don't have the strength to put up with that kind of rejection, of being told our family is okay, but not as good as this nice family over here with a mom and a dad.
So we feel like this is our only option. And it's okay because we like it this way. I want to be pregnant, and K wants me to be pregnant. So let's just hope it works.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Reactions
We've been trying to tell everyone now that we are trying so that they can get over the shock and be ready with the congratulations when we finally say we're pregnant. This was a big goal over the holidays with the families. We've been saying to our parents for years "when we have kids..." just to get them used to the idea, but now we told them we are actually trying.
My parents have the reaction they always have when I bring up kids. They just get silent and stop talking. They'll get used to it when there is an actual baby involved, I'm sure. I mentioned it to my sister in an email once and she never responded, but I think she's too wrapped up in her own life to even care.
I told some close family friends, essentially my aunt and uncle that we did everything with when I was a kid. The husband paused, and said "Really?". Then he thought for a moment and said, "Yeah, you can't really go through life without having kids, can you?" then tried to convince us to name our son after him. I'll call this one a good reaction.
I told my aunt in a letter. She didn't say anything about it, but for Christmas she handmade us two stuffed animals.
I told my partner's mom. My partner is an only child and her mom really wants grandkids, so she's always been very excited. She told me that we should get Pakistani sperm. I said, "But K's Indian, so we should get Indian sperm." She said, matter-of-fact, "No, K's Pakistani, just look at her features." And I said, "How can K be Pakistani if you are Indian?" And she said "I'm Indian, yes, but I think her grandfather on her father's side must have been Pakistani. How else would K look so Pakistani?" And I thought, why did I do this while K is in the shower? I always forget how crazy that woman is, but at least she's supportive.
We told K's aunt and young cousins. The aunt is always supportive. She is a nurse, so she said "I know this is rude to ask, but I have to know how you plan to do it." At least she knew it was rude to ask. Most people don't.
We also sent Christmas cards to our state legislators with pictures of our family, saying that 2008 is a year of hope, where we hope to expand our family and we hope for the passage of the Marriage Protection and Religious Freedom Act before our baby is born. We received a response from only one, Jamie Raskin, who mentioned that his kids are of babysitting age if we need it. And that, along with many other reasons, is why that man will have my vote forever, for whatever he runs for.
So now everyone knows. They can sit with that information and get used to it. No one can say we didn't warn them.
My parents have the reaction they always have when I bring up kids. They just get silent and stop talking. They'll get used to it when there is an actual baby involved, I'm sure. I mentioned it to my sister in an email once and she never responded, but I think she's too wrapped up in her own life to even care.
I told some close family friends, essentially my aunt and uncle that we did everything with when I was a kid. The husband paused, and said "Really?". Then he thought for a moment and said, "Yeah, you can't really go through life without having kids, can you?" then tried to convince us to name our son after him. I'll call this one a good reaction.
I told my aunt in a letter. She didn't say anything about it, but for Christmas she handmade us two stuffed animals.
I told my partner's mom. My partner is an only child and her mom really wants grandkids, so she's always been very excited. She told me that we should get Pakistani sperm. I said, "But K's Indian, so we should get Indian sperm." She said, matter-of-fact, "No, K's Pakistani, just look at her features." And I said, "How can K be Pakistani if you are Indian?" And she said "I'm Indian, yes, but I think her grandfather on her father's side must have been Pakistani. How else would K look so Pakistani?" And I thought, why did I do this while K is in the shower? I always forget how crazy that woman is, but at least she's supportive.
We told K's aunt and young cousins. The aunt is always supportive. She is a nurse, so she said "I know this is rude to ask, but I have to know how you plan to do it." At least she knew it was rude to ask. Most people don't.
We also sent Christmas cards to our state legislators with pictures of our family, saying that 2008 is a year of hope, where we hope to expand our family and we hope for the passage of the Marriage Protection and Religious Freedom Act before our baby is born. We received a response from only one, Jamie Raskin, who mentioned that his kids are of babysitting age if we need it. And that, along with many other reasons, is why that man will have my vote forever, for whatever he runs for.
So now everyone knows. They can sit with that information and get used to it. No one can say we didn't warn them.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Lawyers
I called Michele Zavos today, the DC area's premiere lawyer for same-sex families. We wanted an appointment in March because we are busy now. The assistant was like "March? We have many appointments available sooner." After calling doctors all week, I just assumed we wouldn't be able to make an appointment for weeks. I was wrong, again. I've learned that lawyers and fertility clinics are different from doctors. They actually want your business and make room for you in their schedules, even super-important and busy lawyers like Michele Zavos. Oh well. I still made the appointment for March.
We actually have a lot of legal papers that were written up years ago by another lawyer that specializes in alternative family law, but they were done before we changed our names, before we bought a home, and before babies were a possibility, so they need to be redone. Our lawyer was fine, but not special. And we felt she didn't take us seriously since we were very young then. We need to get our paperwork redone, and we thought, why not go for the best this time?
We actually have a lot of legal papers that were written up years ago by another lawyer that specializes in alternative family law, but they were done before we changed our names, before we bought a home, and before babies were a possibility, so they need to be redone. Our lawyer was fine, but not special. And we felt she didn't take us seriously since we were very young then. We need to get our paperwork redone, and we thought, why not go for the best this time?
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