The ache?

I got this email from my high school friend M that I don't know how to respond to. She is married to a man and lives in CA. She's always been kind of different, bucking the traditional route. She did get married, after living with her boyfriend for many years and then sneaking off to HI to elope last year. In high school she always talked about how she didn't believe in marriage and didn't want kids, which I never understood because all I wanted was to get married and have kids. She came from a very happy family, her parents are still married, and she's close to her brother. This is the email that she sent. Just to clarify, I never mentioned anything about an 'ache', those are her words.

I also agree that it is so amazing that you will have a new life in just a few months...unbelievalbe to me sometimes!

What is the ache to have children? I mean, how do you know if you have an ache or not? I like kids ok, though most annoy me because they are misbehaved and ruder as they get older. But then there are some that you would love to have yourself. You just dont know what you will get. I just dont want to have that bored suburban kid. What kind of ache did you have? Have you always known it would be a segment of your life or that you would make it so? Funny questions maybe, but I seriously dont know. I also don't want to have children just to have them. You know, automatically, with no question or concern like some people who dont think to much about it until the kid is sitting on their lap.

What kind of woman do you think I am or am to be? Sometimes I just dont know anymore what this is all about or what I want out of it while I have the chance. What did you think I would become? I have a really bad memory when it comes to what I was like even one year ago. Did I really say I didnt believe in marriage? I wonder what I meant, I have forgotten that too :) Though, I still dont know if I believe that "marriage" is necessary. Things are what you make of them, marriage certificate or not.

Alright, you probably think I am crazy now! But I am really serious! Send me pictures of yourself pregnant! Love, M