Marriage

So I didn't go to Nanny's funeral. With the upcoming ovulation, and K going out of town for work, and the cost of trying to conceive, it just didn't make sense to fly to FL for a couple of days. So I sent flowers and a nice card to Poppa, and said I wished I could be there with him. Poppa called yesterday to thank me for the flowers. I told him that I wanted to be there with him, and he said that I was in spirit and that's all that matters, so I feel a little better about my decision. I need to keep better in touch with the old people in my life.

Poppa told me that he and Nanny were incredibly lucky because they were married for 62 years, and that the first 59 of those years were really good. The last three were hard because Nanny was sick, but they had a great time for the first 59. These people were truly in love for 62 years. Sometimes with older people who've been married forever, you feel like they need each other, they are used to each other, but not that they love each other. But with these two, you knew how much they loved each other, and that it had been that way for 62 years.

That's what I want with K. 62 years of happiness. I saw an interview with Will Smith where he was asked about his relationship with Jada, one of the longest and strongest marriages in Hollywood. He said that he and Jada decided a long time ago that divorce is not an option. And that because divorce is not an option, they had better work hard to make this marriage work. So they fight, and sometimes it would be easy to say, 'You know what, we're through. I don't want to do this any more." But since divorce is not an option, instead they work it out, fight their way through it, and their relationship is better because of it.

This is how K and I see marriage. We don't believe in divorce - it's not an option. We believe that we are perfect for each other. But that doesn't mean we don't argue. And certainly we've had some horrible arguments. I think every couple does. But since divorce is not an option, we work through our problems, and we are closer afterwards.

People in my family marry young and stay happily married their whole lives. Love and romance are celebrated and cherished. My grandparents were happily married for 45 years. Papa died 11 years ago and Granny still wears her ring and tells her great-grandchildren about how wonderful their great-grandpa was. My parents have been married for 36 years. They were high school sweethearts, and married the day after my mom graduated from high school when she was 17 and he was 18. They are still very happy, love spending time together just the two of them. I know they've had hard times, but have come through it better, stronger than ever. My sister married when she was 19 and her husband 20, and they have been happily married for 13 years. Everyone said, 'wow, they're too young,' but my parents said 'we were young too, and look at us'. I have good role models for what a good marriage is, and I have high standards. I will not get a divorce, and I want to be happy.

K and I were engaged when I was 21 and she was 20, 8 years later, and we are still very happy. I'm not saying it's easy, but part of it is will. We are not quitters. We want to stay happily married, so we spend a lot of time and energy making sure we are happy. When we were arguing over money, we set up a budget that we both agreed to and stuck to it. When we were arguing about cleaning our home, we set up a cleaning schedule. We never go to bed angry. When we fight, we always both apologize and try to each understand the other's position. We aren't perfect, and sometimes it's hard, but no one ever said it was easy. We love each other very much and we are very happy together, and that's something worth holding onto.